I Know My Luck Too Well

Originally posted to PPP on May 14, 2013

It shouldn’t be this hard to be a fan.

I didn’t watch much of the Leafs playoffs this year. Of the seven games I watched four, maybe five. About the same amount I watched of the tremendous LA – St. Louis series.

I missed some of the games due to other commitments: getting kids to and from Girl Guides, choir lessons and Hapkido classes. I also had hockey games of my own to play. Some games I skipped by choice.

As much as I wanted to embrace this year’s Leafs, as much I was thrilled by the play of Phil Kessel, James Reimer, Jake Gardiner and James van Riemsdyk, part of me checked-out and I’m not sure if or when I’ll return.

The biggest culprit is the lockout.

The loss of half a season of hockey was nothing more than a craven cash-grab. A work stoppage that could have, and should have addressed certain deficiencies in the game and, more importantly, tried to fix the broken revenue model. Instead, it was nothing more than the filthy stinking rich taking a bigger slice of the pie from the disgustingly wealthy.

For this, we lost half a season of hockey. I resent that and I resent that hockey fans are expected to come blindly rushing back. Like a million George Smileys, cuckolds too thrilled by Lady Ann's return to stop and think about what's gone on.

The second culprit is the culture of hockey.

Hockey Night in Canada has become almost un-watchable. Actually, un-listenable is the better word. The technical aspects of their coverage remain best in class while the talking heads are remedial at best. It takes something away from the match when I have to watch on mute rather than suffer the toxicity of Glenn Healy’s snark, the vapidity of Craig Simpson and the simpering affectations of Jim Hughson (who managed to blow the call on Bergeron’s series winning goal). The sound of a period ending has become the cue to change the channel or leave the room.

Pity poor Elliotte Friedman – the man who should be hosting the panel, picking the guests and leading the next wave of intelligent hockey coverage. Instead, he’s surrounded by PJ Stock, a semi-cogent former jock who appears to be suffering from aphasia, and Kevin Weekes a hockey parody/ better dressed version of Tex Boil ("That’s right Edna Ron"). This is the best our billion-dollar broadcaster can offer.

The third and final culprit is the so-called brain trust of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

The guys in charge who decided to play face-puncher hockey and got lucky when they out-ran the percentages in a lock-out shortened season. The men who wanted Kiprusoff. The group who thought it was a good idea to play two goons in the opening game of the playoffs. The deep thinkers who played AHL defencemen while Jake Gardiner sat in the press box.

It was only when injuries forced their hand that the Leafs finally iced all of their best players. The Leafs playoff MVP might be Mark Kostka’s finger. Think of that. If Kostka hadn’t broken that finger, Jake Gardiner would still be in the pressbox and the Leafs likely wouldn’t have lasted five games against the Bruins.

When it comes right down to it, the worst mistake of this Leafs season didn’t involve blown coverage, a badly timed pinch or an allegedly weak glove hand. The worst mistake of the Leafs season involved nothing more than Randy Carlyle, a disposable pen and the nightly line-up card.

Had Carlyle and Co. iced the line-up that skated in games five through seven for the majority of the season, this Leafs team likely threatens to win the North East, gets a better draw in the post-season and doesn’t play the Bruins on the road. That’s the fulcrum of the Leafs season right there. Instead of going with talent, the Leafs went with face punchers. The bad roster decisions and player utilization that started in January cast the team’s fate in May.

Somehow I suspect this angle of roster management will not be discussed in the papers. Nor will it be the hot topic on the sports panels populated by b-list and c-list talent – executives who were not good enough to stay in the game and journeymen players who appear to have suffered repetitive head injuries. It will go without comment among the chattering classes who supposedly matter. Another reason I have begun to tune out...

It shouldn’t be this big of a challenge to embrace your team and go all-in, but the culture of professional hockey is driving me away. It’s keeping me from watching NHL games, it's driving me away from my TV and radio, and it’s why I won’t watch hockey the rest of these playoffs.

It shouldn’t be this hard to be a fan but this spring, more than any other, it certainly is...

Leafs vs. Pens: The worst game I've ever seen

Cross-posted from PPP...

The Leafs have played approximately 3,000 hockey games since I started following them back in senior kindergarten. I don’t want to guess at how many hours of my life have been spent watching them play. By any measure, it’s too many.

The worst Leafs game I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen some shameful performances, came against the Pittsburgh Penguins on Boxing Day 1991.

I’m sure a case could be made that the Leafs have played worse games. Managing just eight shots against the Devils in an elimination playoff game or coughing up four third period goals in under five minutes to the St. Louis Blues en route to a 6-5 overtime loss would likely crack my top 5.

I’m sure there are dozens of other examples that each and every Leaf fan can conjure up. Each of us morbidly, masochistically trying to out-do the other..."and then McCabe put it in his own net..."

That game against the Penguins on Boxing Day over 20 years ago ranks as the worst for me for many reasons.

A 12-1 score line is a good place to start.

Mario Lemieux, Kevin Stevens and Joey Mullen combining for 19 points is another.

Tom Watt refusing to pull Grant Fuhr, leaving him net to get shelled for the full 60 minutes, made for a great post-game discussion point. As did the Penguins finishing the night by scoring  five goals in an eight-minute stretch in the third period.

All of those would be reason enough to list this among the Leafs worst performances, but they are not THE reason.

I watched the game at a cottage in Huntsville. The cabin was barely winterized and we froze every time we visited, a fire place barely keeping us warm. But the opportunity to play hours of shinny on the lake and drunkenly build and ride jerry-rigged toboggans always drew us north.

The guys I went with were a mix of high school pals. I’m not in touch with a single one of them these days and even back then there was a sense that these friendships were transient. I was one of the few that had gone on to university and the only one who left the city to do so.

The cottage was old school and the lone TV was even older. I recall it being a large console set with rabbit ears, but in truth I have no idea what the TV looked like.  I do remember, and the most important part of the story, is that we couldn’t get any reception. We had 13 channels and a UHF dial of nothing but grey lines and static.

After dinner, and more beer, two of us futzed with the rabbit ears. We likely rehashed the tired joke that a Canadian by-law makes CBC coverage mandatory and HNIC coverage essential. By game time we’d managed to pull in a signal.

The Penguins scored early, but the Leafs soon tied it at 1. Kevin Maguire from Mike Krushelnyski and Todd Gill. What a combination. It would be the last time we cheered that night.

It was all Penguins after that. 3-1 after the first; 6-1 after the second and a 12-1 final.

Stuck in a freezing cabin with a room full of buddies, maybe one-third of whom are Leafs fans. It’s one thing to watch your team get destroyed, it’s another thing entirely when you’re surrounded by friends who cheer for other teams.

Being up at a cold and dark cottage we stuck it out to the very end.

Years later, I would find out Larry Murphy picked up his 700^th point in that game -- an assist on a Mario Lemieux breakaway that made it 7-1.

The next day, we played hockey and raced toboggans made out of recycling bins and old skis.

I’d like to say that the game was quickly forgotten, but 21 years have passed and that game still comes to mind each time the Leafs play the Penguins.

Burke Fired

Burke arrived in Toronto announcing he wasn't interested in a five year re-build. It was one of the few, if only, prescient statements he made.

 There would be no pugnacity. No testosterone. No schools named after him.

The team he claimed was good enough to make the playoffs in 2009, finished 8 games under .500 in 29th place.

 The man who claimed he'd never be caught short on goaltending again went four years without league average goaltending.

He was a man who put a series of quixotic personal codes and rules ahead of doing what it took to help the team succeed.  300+ Games with a lousy 129-135-42 record. Six games below .500 in a league where at least 2/3 of teams go .500 every season.

A tenure during which the Leafs were 30th in goals against and 30th on the penalty kill and finished, on average, in 26th place.

 Four years, no playoffs. Four years and no sign of a vision or a plan from Burke.

In the end, he didn't even last as long as the most incompetent of Leafs GMs John Ferguson Junior.

I was interested in a five year re-build, but for now, I'll settle with the good news that Burke is no longer President and GM.

For the first time in quite a while, I'm looking forward to a Leafs season.

Harold Ballard's Letter to Leafs Fans: 1983

The Leafs have put out two apology letters in the last 9 months (and likely will issue a third once the season wraps-up again next April).

Here's a letter from Harold Ballard to Leafs fans in 1983. Thirty years, three owners, seven GMs, a dozen coaches, and hundreds of players later the delusional culture of this organization hasn't really changed...

(Click on the letter to see a full-sized version and better enjoy the crazy)

Books Read: 2012

41 books read this year; 2 fiction; 39 non-fiction. 

If I were to sum-up my year of reading in one word, that word would be football (or, er, soccer).  At least 8 titles by my count are about the world’s most beautiful game. 

If I were to sum-up my year of reading in two words, they would be Godd Till (@GoddTill). Three of my top eight reads were recommended by him and I thoroughly enjoyed five of the six books he sent my way (couldn’t handle the poetry. God, I hate poetry). 

As usual, I’ve divided the list into my favourite reads, those I’m glad I read and, finally, books that weren’t for me (all sorted alphabetically, or as close as I can come to it). 

I’ve also included a list of books I read aloud to my kids this year… 

Best 

Cardboard Gods, Josh Wilker 
A memoir told, brilliantly, through the author’s childhood baseball card collection (one of those, “Damn, why didn’t I think of that!” concepts). Each card sparks a memory of his young, troubled life. Such a simple, yet smart, technique I’m amazed someone hadn’t used this approach earlier. It’s not so much a book about baseball as it is a great look at growing up in challenging circumstances and working through them. 

Damned United, David Pearce 
This might be my favourite book of the year. A fictional telling of Brian Clough’s 44 days as the manager of Leeds United in 1974. Pearce twins the story with the current events told in the first person by Clough and his previous work as manager of Derby County told in a second-person narrative. I’m not sure if my love for this book was informed by having just finished a Clough bio, but this is some very fine writing. One of the best fictional sports books I’ve read (and I’m not a fan of fiction). 

Father’s Day, Buzz Bissinger 
I read this in a single go up at the cottage. It wasn’t on my to-read list or even on my radar. My wife had tucked it into her book bag. For some reason I picked it up after breakfast and could not put it down. There are no filters here. Bissinger has twin sons, one is pursuing his masters degree, the other is developmentally disabled – with very significant challenges. It’s a simple conceit for a book – Buzz decides he’s going to take his son on a cross-country road trip to re-visit all the places they’ve lived and along the way he will be completely transparent and honest with his son. Some of it made me cringe, some of it made me cry. This is the most honest chunk of writing I’ve read in a long time.

Homicide, David Simon
Do you like The Wire? Well, this is the book that launched what is arguably the best ever TV series. Simon, a crime reporter with the Baltimore Sun, took a year off his job to just hangout with the Baltimore homicide squad. This book was the impetus for NBC’s Homicide: Life on the Streets, but many of the incidents detailed in this book made it, verbatim, into the Wire -- including good old Snot Boogie at the dice game.

I Cover the Waterfront, Max Miller
A water front reporter for a San Diego paper, Miller assembled a collection of short essays and simple pieces on the 1930s life, businesses and culture of the local wharf. I really enjoyed the tone and the direct writing. 

My Favourite Year, Nick Hornby (ed.) 
An impressive group of writers each turns in an essay on one meaningful season supporting their favourite soccer club. Roddy Doyle’s piece on Ireland’s run in the 1990 World Cup is magical, a must read. Lots of great, fun, reads in this short collection. Loved Olly Watford’s take on being a ball boy for Watford in 1974.  

Pulp Head, John Jeremiah Sullivan 
Wow, can this guy write. Whether it’s essays on lost blues recordings, Christian music festivals, washed up MTV reality stars or old Southern men of letters, Jeremiah Sullivan creates powerful, riveting prose. Can’t recall reading such a diverse range of topics that were all handled with such confidence and insight.

The Complete Architecture of Adler & Sullivan, Richard Nickel 
The back-story on this work is heartbreaking, like it was lifted from Stanley in Gaddis’ The Recognitions. Richard Nickel was a tireless archivist tracking down and photographing Adler & Sullivan’s great architecture before it could be destroyed by countless wrecking balls as cities attempted to re-develop and “modernize” through the 1950s and 1960s. Sadly, Nickel was killed when a partially demolished Sullivan building collapsed on him. This work compiles much of Nickel’s photography of so many lost, incomparable works by Adler and Sullivan – 800 plates and 250 essays. It’s an important, often stunning, work. 

Glad I Read Them 

A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never do Again, David Foster Wallace 
I was a teenager in the late 1980s. Most music was awful. Loads of reverb. Bad synth permeated everything. Bands like the Replacements, the Minute Men or Husker Du were a revelation. Twenty years later, you play those tracks for a teenager and they won’t get it. Those revolutionary bands, bands that changed your life, now sound so much like music that’s readily available anywhere. Hell, the Minutemens’ Corona is the soundtrack to Jack Ass. 

I first read David Foster Wallace almost 20 years ago and his texts were revolutionary. Nobody was writing in that style. His use of footnotes was astonishing. Re-reading it today, his style seems over-written, those footnotes once so brilliant are now used at a sports blog run by Bill Simmons. What was once revolutionary, sadly, becomes all too commonplace (but his essay about the cruise line still blows me away).

Adventuresin the Screen Trade, William Goldman 
I Love Goldman. The man wrote Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Marathon Man, All the President’s Men and (and!) The Princess Bride. Seriously, what a run of work. This is another set of collected essays about the film industry, the awards circuit and the elements of screen writing. You know what you're getting and odds are it's going to be good.

TheAmerican Way of Eating, Tracie MacMillan 
MacMillan works in the fields among immigrant labourers in California, in the produce section of a Detroit Wal-Mart and on the line in an Applebees in Manhattan to get a better look at how Americans eat. Like Barbara Ehrenreich’s wonderful book, Nickel and Dimed, this book provides an intriguing insider’s perspective on the mechanics and economics of the modern food system and it leaves one with lots to ponder… 

And She Laughed No More… Stephen Foster 
A sequel to “She Stood There Laughing”, Foster’s diary of following Stoke City Football Club through a season in Division One.  In this edition, Foster follows the club through their inaugural season in the Prem (nice photo of Rory Delap on the cover). Lots of funny asides, sports fan angst, and wonderful writing about the ups and downs of supporting a small club. 

Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, Nick Flynn 
Another Godd Till pick and another good read. Flynn, like his father, aspires to be a writer and, like his father, ends up battling alcoholism, drug abuse and bouts of homelessness

Boomerang, Michael Lewis 
Scary, perceptive observations on the global impact of the 2008 sub-prime asset backed paper collapse. These essays straddle the grey area between black comedy and maudlin tragedy. 

Brilliant Orange, David Winner 
An uneven set of essays about Dutch Football and its relationships with other elements of Dutch culture from the opening of society in the 1960s to art, architecture and politics. I liked the football content, Winner’s work with the cultural elements doesn’t seem to be on the same solid footing. 

Caveat Emptor: The Secret Life of an American Art Forger, Ken Perenyi 
Part confessional, part how-to guide, this plainly written memoir follows Perenyi from trade school drop-out to being an alleged serial art forger with some rather high-profile connections. 

The Cold War: A New History, John Gaddis 
Read this after watching and reading Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy. It’s a very enjoyable, informative, well written take on the Cold War from the end of WWII to the Gorbachev – Regan years. 

The Corner, David Simon 
Want to be thoroughly depressed by the drug war and inner city socio-economics? This is the book for you. Following his year spent on the homicide squad in Baltimore, David Simon spent a year among the people of the streets in inner-city Baltimore. This diary captures all of the squalid, drug infested hopelessness. It’s a powerful read, but man is it depressing. 

Dear Professor Einstein: Albert Einstein's Letters to and from Children 
The title to this one is a bit mis-leading. Yes, there are great letters to and from children, but the book is rather padded out with repetitive biographical bits about Einstein. Guess they couldn't sell many copies if it was a brochure.

The Gift of Ford, Ivor Tossell
I’ve probably forgotten half of the nonsense Ford has been up to in the first two years of his administration and yet I can still cite a very long list of mis-deeds from the wacky to the borderline illegal. Tossell does a great job cataloguing the ups and mostly downs of Ford’s tenure, but more importantly he’s able to put this catalogue of crazy into a larger context of how Toronto arrived at this juncture and where we might go next. It’s a quick, short, engaging read that I’d strongly recommend for any Torontonian or anyone interested in municipal politics. 

The Head Trip, Jeff Warren 
Interesting essays on sleep and dreams. The author undertakes a number of sleep studies/ experiments to see what impact it has on him, including living for a spell using nothing but natural light. Not the type of thing I’d normally read, didn’t really like the format, but was taken in by a number of the essays. 

The Honest Truth about Dishonesty, Daniel Ariely 
I’m a bit of an Ariely fan-boy and this book didn’t disappoint. Another series of compelling psychology experiments to explore the tension between self-perception, moral codes and cheating. Most of the experiments point to the competing interests inside us all – we all want to think of ourselves as decent, law abiding citizens, but many (most of us) are ok with fudging a few things around the edges. I loved the study involving the blind taking taxis or shopping at the market, some really nice stuff there. 

I’m not really here, Paul Lake 
Another Godd Till selection and another good read. A bio about a late 80s Manchester City football player who suffers an early career ending injury. Nicely touches on the 80s Manchester music scene and some good insights into the life of a pro athlete. Lake went on to become a physiotherapist and I loved his observation that guys who are really injured rarely roll around on the pitch, while those who fake it writhe about like they're on fire. Strangely absent from this book was any mention of the 2010 FA Cup. I'm going to stick with the notion that the game never happened. 

Inverting the Pyramid, Jonathan Wilson 
A great, very detailed look at the history and evolution of soccer tactics. Very enjoyable, even for a neophyte like me. 

Jocks, Leonard Shecter
Like an earlier, far less entertaining version of Jim Bouton's amazing Ball Four. Hard to believe the sports media in the 1960s were this venal and their relationship with the owners was so corrupt.

Lies My Teacher Told Me, James Lowen 
History professor Lowen looks at the 12 most common American history high school text books and finds them seriously lacking. A great look at why many people don't want to study history and the pressures text book publishers face when they try to explain controversial subjects such as the Vietnam War.

Life Itself, Roger Ebert 
Film critic Roger Ebert's autobiography, told after he lost his voice and much of his jaw due to complications with thyroid cancer. Honest, declarative writing. 

Louis Sullivan’s Idea, Chris Ware and Tim Samuelson 
I'm a big fan of Chris Ware and a big fan of Louis Sullivan. The two of them together is fantastic.  The book is split in two - one half telling the sad story of Sullivan, the second taking a graphic look at the details of his work.  

Men of tomorrow: geeks, gangsters and the birth of the comic book 
After a rather slow, all too detailed start, this book takes off like the proverbial speeding bullet. I've always dug comic books, but I had very little idea of their origins, creators or the business model behind them. Lots of fun insights here - including the incredible fact that Captain America and Superman were selling over one million copies a month in their early days. 

My Korean Deli, Ben Ryder Howe 
White dude from New Jersey (and an editor of the literary Paris Review magazine) marries a Korean-American girl and somehow ends up buying a convenience store in the Bronx with his in-laws. I liked getting the inside scoop on how these stores run, the regulars that haunt them and the vendors that try to rip them off. 

The Net Delusion, Evgeny Morozov 
Hey, another depressing read! For all those who think the internet is going to bring about a transparent society, freedom and democratic revolutions, Morozov is on the scene with some pretty striking evidence to the contrary. For all the good the internet can do, regimes in Iran, China and elsewhere can use the same technology to support their awful regimes and suppress uprisings. A sobering read in light of the so-called Arab Spring. 

Nobody Ever Says Thank You, Jonathan Wilson 
Brian Clough scored 251 goals in 274 games and earned two caps playing for England before an injury ruined his career in his twenties. As a manager, he took two teams from Division Two football to win the league and challenge in Europe. In between, he crashed and burned with Leeds United and abandoned poor Brighton & Hove Albion. Along the way, he fought endlessly with his bosses, drank, gambled and bought and sold players with abandon while winning four League Cups and two European Cups. A fascinating character and a very good bio. 

Things I Didn’t Know, Robert Hughes 
Hughes was the art critic for Time Magazine throughout the 1970s and was a noted broadcaster and writer. Hughes' book on Goya is one of my favourites - he's incredibly gifted at incisive, powerful writing - for instance, his take on the charge of being an elitist: 

I am completely an elitist, in the cultural but emphatically not the social sense. I prefer the good to the bad, the articulate to the mumbling, the aesthetically developed to the merely primitive, and full to partial consciousness. I love the spectacle of skill, whether it’s an expert gardener at work or a good carpenter chopping dovetails. I don’t think stupid or ill-read people are as good to be with as wise and fully literate ones. I would rather watch a great tennis player than a mediocre one, unless the latter is a friend or a relative. Consequently, most of the human race doesn’t matter much to me, outside the normal and necessary frame of courtesy and the obligation to respect human rights. I see no reason to squirm around apologizing for this. I am, after all, a cultural critic, and my main job is to distinguish the good from the second-rate, pretentious, sentimental, and boring stuff that saturates culture today, more (perhaps) than it ever has. I hate populist kitsch, no matter how much the demos love it. To me, it is a form of manufactured tyranny. Some Australians feel this is a confession of antidemocratic sin; but I am no democrat in the field of the arts, the only area – other than sports – in which human inequality can be displayed and celebrated without doing social harm. 

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, John Le Carre 
Quite liked the movie, so I grabbed the book. It's a decent read. 

Da Vinci's Ghost: The Untold Story of the World's Most Famous Drawing, Toby Lester 
You know that drawing by Da Vinci of the man inside the circle? It's actually called Vitruvian Man and it's based on writings that are thousands of years old. Lester tells a cool story of how Leonardo might have been inspired to draw it and why. The story touches on religion, architecture, the Renaissance and much more.

Turing’s Cathedral, George Dyson 
A thoroughly enjoyable read on the makings of modern computers. The chapter on developing weather forecast was eye popping - I'd never thought about the data collection that goes into projecting complicated weather systems or it's origins.  From secret codes and code breaking in WWII to academic infighting at Princeton, this is an interesting history of automation and the things we take for granted. 

The Years with Ross, James Thurber 
A look at Harold Ross and the origins of the New Yorker and the early personalities at the magazine. Loaded with smart tips on writing, quirky characters, great old stories and anecdotes. 

Not for Me 

Imagine, Jonah Lerher (abandoned) - Dreadful. I put this one down before the scandal brought Lerher down. 

In Harm’s Way (abandoned) - One of those bios where the author claims to know what everyone was thinking at all times. There should be a severe punishment for authors who succumb to this trait.

Beyond the Shadow of the Senators, Brad Snyder (not abandoned, should have) - A way too detailed, over-written look at the pre-integration days of Negro League baseball. The author takes on way too much and often loses focus.

The Philosophy of Soccer (sadly, not abandoned) - If you want to read academic essays that border on mental masturbation e.g. whether Marx (or maybe it was Aristotle, like it matters) would have been an Arsenal supporter, this is the book for you. One notable exception - the essay on when it's ok to take a penalty is first class and easily the best thing in this pile of twaddle. 

Writing in Unreaderly Times (muddled through, often angrily) - A collection of essays allegedly about the challenges of writing in these uncertain economic times. Considering how many channels there are to access great content and how much wonderful writing is out there, this book really should have been called Unreadable in Writerly Times.


Kids: 
The Hobbit - my son loved it, my daughter joined us at the midpoint and felt it owed too large a debt to Harry Potter. My memories of this book are all about Smaug, was rather surprised how late he appears in the book and how small a part he plays. 

The White Mountains, The City of Gold and Lead, The Pool of Fire (Tripods Trilogy) - one of my favourite series when I was a kid. Both my kids loved it. Thanks to Google maps, we were able to track the boys' trek from the English midlands to the White Mountains. I suspect I'll be re-reading this to my kids again in 2013.

A Dog Called Grk, Grk and the Pelotti Gang, Grk and the Hot Dog Trail, Grk: Operation Tortoise - a fun series about a young British boy and his adopted dog Grk. They get into all sorts of problems, international incidents and solve crimes. The Pelotti gang was my favourite of the bunch. 

James and the Giant Peach - Dahl can do no wrong. 

Other 

I read every issue of Lucky Peach I could get my hands on (four, I do believe, maybe five)  It is hands-down the best food writing I've encountered in a long time. Brilliant pieces on a wide array of topics from fresh apricots, food service in the movie Road House, Chinese immigrants in California road-tripping in search of delicacies from home to the guys at Joe Beef talking about diving into grease traps during service and the history of bundt-like cakes. There are far too many great pieces to name here. It's not available on-line, but it is well worth seeking out.

The Blizzard is a similar magazine in that it knows its audience and delivers smart, knowledgeable writing on a single topic - football (the interview in issue six with the guy who has been addicted to Football Manager for 20 years is a head-shaker of a read.) The Blizzard is available online in a pay what you can model (and yes, @GoddTill tipped me off to this great read too. Follow him on twitter and feel free to ask for book suggestions. Perhaps you like poetry, that would make him happy).

Battle of Who Could Care Less

Originally posted at Pension Plan Puppets

You missing the NHL yet?

I’m not.

In fact, I could probably do with a little less NHL coverage.

The pre-season is a bit of a joke anyway. 45 players in camp, loads of breathless analysis and hype when anyone who’s looked at the roster knows there’s maybe one or two roster spots open, both of which are on the 3rd and 4th line, plus a seat in the pressbox.

Full price tickets to see 15 minor leaguers play 15 minor leaguers. Ten days later Glen Metropolit is battling Espen Knutsen for the pre-season scoring title. Exciting times.

No exhibition games might be the best thing about this lockout, although the NHL-imposed gag order on owners and managers is a close second.

The absence of NHL hockey is something that would ordinarily cause me some grief but I’ve skipped the five stages of grief completely. As far as this lockout goes, I started out indifferent and indifferent is where I've remained.

The main reason I'm completely disengaged from the lockout negotiations is that the game of hockey has no advocate at the bargaining table.

In this current labour impasse, no one is looking out for the good of the sport we all love.

As Commissioner, Gary Bettman’s gig isn’t to be an ambassador, leader or visionary for hockey. He’s the CEO of the NHL, representing and reporting to the owners. His primary duty is to maximize their equity and profits. The introduction of glow pucks and the shoot-out, combined with the third work stoppage of his tenure, tells you everything you need to know about the Commissioner and the sanctity of the game.

The NHLPA exists to protect jobs and ensure that remuneration opportunities are not eroded too badly in the new CBA.

As a result, these negotiations are entirely about how to split over $3 billion in revenues between 30 teams and 700 players. They are not about addressing systemic issues or finding solutions to the challenges that have plagued the league for decades. There is little doubt that these systemic issues and the labour stoppage are inextricably linked, yet neither side appears willing or able to address them.

There will be no talk of contraction or appropriate team locations. No sub-committee meetings on the failings of the sun belt strategy. There most certainly won't be anyone calling for changes to the worst elements of the culture of hockey - cleaning up the nepotism and cronyism among NHL executives and employees. No debate over the importance of an impartial 3rd party for discipline and appeals processes. No consideration for some sort of ombudsmen to help mediate positive changes to the game.

Instead, we're left with players vs. owners in an unfortunately adversarial system that's willing to forego discussing how to improve the game (re-alignment, balanced schedules, Olympic participation, under 20 NA born players in the AHL, etc.) in pursuit of partisan economic priorities.

As neither party is primarily interested in the good of the game, I can’t see any reason for me to track arguments about what constitutes HRR. Besides, if neither the NHL nor the NHLPA gives a toss about hockey, why should I?

I give Leafs President and GM Brian Burke a lot of grief, but I do want to point out something he said last January that was surprisingly prescient.

When Colton Orr was demoted, Brian Burke told the media that he feared "that the rats will take this game over."

It turns out Burke was right to fear it. The rats have taken over the game, but they aren't on the ice, they're in the boardrooms.

The Creative Process according to Yahoo!

Writing may seem to be a solitary pursuit, but it isn’t. Our friends, colleagues, and family are likely to provide feedback during the creative stages. Others help give pieces their shape and readers help identify typos, factual errors and other ways to make our writing ever sharper.

Recently, Greg Wyshynski of Yahoo sports sent Chemmy, PPP and me an email asking us to take part in a new write-up at Puck Daddy. Greg was doing an “essentials” series to identify the singular player, goal, series, etc. for each of the 30 NHL clubs.

Our Leafs essential piece was recently posted at the Puck Daddy blog. I thought readers might find it interesting to get a peek behind the creative curtain – a chance to see how we work together at PPP to produce such forgettable content.

Getting Started

After receiving the initial email from Greg, the three of us reacted to this great idea very quickly by not giving Greg any type of response, doing any research or even discussing it amongst ourselves.

For me, one of the reasons for the inaction was the challenge the article presented: how do you come up with essentials for a franchise that’s nearly 100 years old and has gone through so many distinct phases?

I’m not sure how the idea came to me, but I decided a multiple choice format might be a fun way to let people define their own essential Leaf. Given the Leafs’ tendency to be, well, awful I thought it might be fun if for each of the questions we included a choice that reflected the worst of the franchise.

I assembled an early draft and sent it over to PPP and Chemmy for their feedback.

Early Feedback

PPP suggested expanding the eras – that there was too much focus on the Leafs of the 70s and 90s. He was right. I expanded the multiple choice fields from A to C, to in some cases A to E.

Chemmy gave me some great feedback on tightening up the intro, and selecting a few players/goals/ happenings that weren’t so similar.

The piece was coming into form.

Testing the Material

I had lunch with Godd Till from Cox Bloc and told him about our plans for the piece. His immediate response – “The Brian McCabe own-goal against Buffalo has to be in there.” He was absolutely right – it was another great addition. 

I shared a few of the jokes with his former Cox Bloc partner Kim Jorn who helped further refine the essential Leaf section. I laughed at his Nathan Dempsey joke, but ultimately couldn’t find room for it in the final piece.

Final Refinements

We now had a rather lengthy piece, well over 1,500 words, which I hoped balanced Leafs fans pride in the team with the acknowledgement that the Leafs, more often than not, aren’t very good; a piece that showed why I’m a Leaf fan and recognized that this is not an easy franchise to cheer for.

We submitted our 1,000+ word piece to the Yahoo community, here’s their feedback.

Puck Daddy Essentials: Leafs Edition

Player

a) Syl Apps - Rookie of the year in 1937, five-time all-star, winner of three Stanley Cups and the Lady Byng (in 1942 he scored 41 points in 38 games and didn't take a single penalty). He also sat out two NHL seasons to serve in WWII

b) Dave Keon - smart, fast and talented. The last Leaf to win the Calder trophy (1960) he also won the Lady Byng in 1962 and 63 and the Conn Smythe in 1967. Run out of town by misanthropic former owner Harold Ballard in 1975, he would go on to play until 1982.

c) Mats Sundin - 8-time All-Star and all-time franchise leader in points and goals

d) Tie Domi — because, in the immortal words of @GoddTilll, "He sucked, yet ownership and dumb fans loved him."

[Yahoo! Commentators note: You can only have one essential Leaf. Please make the essential Leaf George Armstrong, Apps, Bailey, Barilko, Bower, Broda, Conacher, Clancy, Clark, Day, Gilmour, Horton, Kelly, Kennedy, Keon, Mahovalich, Sittler, Salming, Vaive.]

Season

a) 1942 - Down 3 games to none against the Red Wings, the Leafs rallied back to win the series and the Stanley Cup. The first time a professional team has ever come back from a 3-0 deficit to win the championship.

b) 1978 - A giant upset over New York Islanders before being eliminated in the Semis by the Habs with 2 games going to OT.

c) 1993 - A giant upset over the Detroit Red Wings before being eliminated in the Semis by the Kings with 2 games going to OT.

d) 2007 - The Leafs miss the playoffs by one point when, in the last game of the season, the Devils dress back-up Scott Clemmensen and lose a shoot-out to Wade Dubielewicz and the Islanders.

e) 2012 - Woo hoo! Playoffs here we come…uh-oh, that mid-season trend line doesn't look so good.

[Yahoo! Commentators note: please change to 1967, it makes both Leasf fans and detraktors happy]

Game

a) Leafs last Stanley Cup win, May 2 (sometime in the late 60s, the year is not well known).

b) Leafs - Flyers 1976 playoffs. A fight filled series that was investigated by the Ontario police. Game three, Sittler and Salming combine for two goals two assists to shed the chicken label and climb back into the series.

c) November 29, 2000 Leafs winning 5-0 with 15 minutes left in the game, lose 6-5 to the St. Louis Blues.

d) A routine Tuesday night loss at home to some team from the Southeast Division.

[Yahoo! Commentators note: The Leafs have won the second most Cups in the League and have nearly 90 years of history to draw on. Surely the “Essential Game” should reflect the accomplishments of this storied franchise. Please change this to Game 7 win over the New York Islanders in 2002]

Goal

a) Defenseman Bobby Baun scores the 1964 Stanley Cup winning goal despite playing on a broken ankle.

b) Dougie Gilmour wrap around, second overtime, Game 1, division finals vs. the St. Louis Blues.

c) Mats Sundin's 500th PING! His hat trick goal, in off the crossbar shorthanded against the Calgary Flames.

d) A meaningless hat trick in game 82 by Boyd Devereaux, which drops the Leafs from 5th to 7th in the entry draft.

e) Brian McCabe's brilliant overtime winner against Buffalo:

[Yahoo! Commentators note: Every goal is essential*

*every goal is not essential – Al Iafrate fans.]

Trade

a) Acquiring Mats Sundin, Garth Butcher, Todd Warriner and Philadelphia's 1st round choice for Wendel Clark, Sylvain Lefebvre, Landon Wilson and Toronto's 1st round choice.

b) Acquiring Doug Gilmour, Jamie Macoun, Ric Nattress, Kent Manderville and Rick Wamsley for Gary Leeman, Alexander Godynyuk, Jeff Reese, Michel Petit and Craig Berube.

c) Acquiring Red Kelly for Marc Reaume.

d) Kurvers for Niedermayer? Kordic for Courtnall? Rask for Raycroft? Toskala for Lars Eller? Greg Hubick for Doug Jarvis?

[Yahoo! Commentators note: Please change to the trade where the Leafs aquired my favourite player.]

Unsung Hero

a) Paul Morris

b) Jimmy Holstrom

c) Mute button

d) Twitter filters that screen "#TMLTalk"

[Yahoo! Commentators note: Please make the unsung Leaf: Barilko, Bill Berg, Conacher, Corson, Day, Green, Horton, Joseph, Kelly, Mahovalich, McCauley, Potvin, Tucker]

Franchise Villain

a) Kerry Fraser

b) Alan Frew

c) Brian Burke's impatience

d) Any 3rd or 4th line player born in the GTA playing against the Leafs at the ACC.

[Yahoo! Commentators note: we searched Bing and this Alan Frew guy doesn’t play in the NHL. Please re-write without made-up names.]

Fight

a) Forbes Kennedy v. the Boston Bruins and the Bruins fans

b) Felix Potvin v. Ron Hextall

c) Wendel Clark v. Marty McSorley

d) Former GM John Ferguson Jr. v. a childproof bottle

[Yahoo! Commentators note: If JFJ fought a childproof bottle, and quite frankly we don’t remember that happening, it was only because the MLSE board told him too]

Coach

a) Roger Neilson

b) Pat Burns

c) Pat Quinn

d) Nick Beverley, who said his players were a bunch of "Nimrods" after blowing a playoff game in 1996. The next day he assured everyone that by "nimrods" he actually meant "mighty hunters".

e) Punch Imlach who built the Leafs dynasty of the 1960s (four Cups in 6 years) and then returned in 1978 to dismantle a promising outfit and launch a streak that would see the Leafs fail to hit .500 for over a decade.

Broadcaster

a) Foster & Bill Hewitt

b) Bob Cole

c) Joe Bowen

d) Glen Healy's uninformed vitriol; Jim Hughson's painful affectations; Craig Simpson's I-don't-know-what (yet somehow he's an upgrade on PJ Stock).

Arena Behavior/Tradition/Trend

a) Sitting quietly in the lower bowl reading your smartphone, eating sushi and ignoring the game.

b) Sitting quietly in the upper bowl sipping on a $14 beer.

c) "Getting Cloutiered" a.k.a. watching in horror as another Leaf goalie messes the bed.

d) Getting slammed by the local media for supporting the team in September (plan the parade!) and then getting slammed by the same local media for booing the Leafs off the ice when playoff aspirations are left for dead each spring.

[Yahoo! Commentators note: This should read, “Cheering on the Leafs no matter what!”]

Arena Food

a) $7 to $10 for a hot dog from Burkie's Dog House.

b) $12 for a deep-fried Mars Bar.

c) $14 for a large beer.

d) I have no punch line. You'd be better off eating $20 bills dipped in your favourite condiment.

Waffles! [Yahoo! Commentators note: now that’s how you make a joke.]

Swag jersey, hat, shirt, gear, etc.

It's a toss-up. The most essential Toronto Maple Leafs swag is either

a) cycling arm warmers

b)    a cuckoo clock

c)     If you're better friends with the groom, you can't go wrong with a Toronto Maple Leafs grill cover as an engagement gift:

[Yahoo! Commentators note: Are you even a Leafs fan? Please change to Leafs sweater]