Monday, June 29, 2009

NHL UFA Season Begins: Do YouThink You Made the Right Decision This Time?

One day to go until NHL free agency season opens. One day until we find out which NHL GMs are crazy with the cash.

I'd like to think that this year's free agency period will reveal a more rational market but I'm sure Sather will prove me wrong with an eleventy-billion dollar offer to Cammalleri only to be outdone by a lifetime contract for Gaborik from Charles Wang.

There are a few big name players out there who may generate pre-lockout Tkachuk money, but aside from Bouwmeester, Marian "exploding groin" Gaborik, the Sedins and I guess Mike Cammelleri, it's certainly not a very impactful group of free agents.

Leafs and the Cap

The Leafs have committed about $18.4 million to 11 forwards (not including Grabovski who's a RFA). Seven d-men take up a further $19.875 and $4 million goes to Toskala.

That adds up to a $42.275 cap hit for 19 roster spots, leaving Burke with loads of flexibility - about $13 million worth - for two forwards and a back-up goalie.

If you're keeping score at home, that's about $5M per forward with a $1M deal for a back-up or what Pat Hickey of the Montreal Gazette terms "Up Against the Cap"

The challenge in allocating that $13+ million in cap space is keeping an eye on salary commitments over the next few years when the cap is expected to decrease.

Roster Review

Let me be perfectly clear here: I have no idea what Brian Burke is going to do. I have no sense of which players are on the trading block, which players - if any - are at risk of being waived and which players - other than Schenn - are untouchable.

But why let something minor like facts get in the way?

Part of the Leafs' UFA activities are likely to be driven by Grabovski. If he can't be signed to a reasonable contract or in the event he wins an arbitration case against the Leafs, I'm certain he'll be gone.

The Leafs do have plenty of centres, but without Grabovski they will be running Stajan, Bozak, Hanson, Mitchell as their top four. A softy, two rookies and sophomore 4th liner. This is not the stuff dreams, or anything other than mediocre hockey teams, are made of.

The Leafs are also rather shallow down the right side. Mayers and Stempniak are the only two RWs on the team. FML.

On D, the Leafs appear to have a full set; however, the only real assets this team can move are Kaberle and Kubina. I fully expect at least one, if not both of them to be traded.

Balancing the Roster: Prediction Time

With those potential roster changes and limitations in mind, here's my best, uniformed, unimaginative guess as to what UFA season will mean for the beloved Blue and White.

The Leafs will target a veteran centre for a two year deal to provide some on-ice leadership and show Hanson and Bozak how it's done (while also sheltering the kids from the tough minutes). I'd guess one of Marchant, Morrison, Moen, or Pahlsson will be in the Blue and White. Pahlsson, given his age (31) and success with the Hawks is the least likely of this group to be signed.

There are very few UFA options at right wing. I wouldn't be surprised if Burke brings in Bertuzzi for one last kick at the can (resulting in about 302,849 people threatening to quit cheering for the Leafs, 19,283 "threw up in my mouth" remarks and 4,741 conspiracy theories involving Dominic Moore being traded last spring).

I also suspect Burke will target a RW with a mean streak who can address Burke's concerns about the Leafs being push-overs. Colton Orr is a UFA RW who might not need much of a bump on his $550K salary to land with the Leafs. Chris Neil might be another option, but he has a tendency of not wanting to fight when playing in the ACC.

If Kaberle or Kubina are traded, I'll go out on a limb and suggest that Burke will pursue Francois Beauchemin with a substantial contract or offer a vet like Brett Hedican a short-term deal to bring in a veteran presence who can be dumped once some of the younger Leaf D (Stralman, Gunnarson) have shown they can make the jump to the NHL in a year or two.

To provide veteran guidance on D, I'd also love to see Chris Chelios join the Leafs on one big condition: Chelios and Burke have to co-host a weekly televised media scrum/ panel discussion each and every week. I'd sign Chelios to Jason Blake like numbers to make that happen.

In nets, if Jonas Gustafsson signs elsewhere, I have no freakin clue what the Leafs will do. I have no idea if they'll pursue a back-up via free agency, trade, or an RFA sheet to Josh Harding.

24 hours to go...can't wait for the Leafs' inactivity to begin.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Burke, the Leafs and the NHL Draft

The Broadcast

Was there a single pick the experts didn't like tonight? Every pick was smart, every player was talented and every team was getting just what they needed.

Maybe I'm cynical or maybe I've just been following the Leafs and the draft for too long, but on draft day the equivalencies thrown around are a bit rich. Each kid is suddenly a composite of Lemieux, Lecavalier and Trottier. Each kid is nothing but upside.

The thing is no one will know how each team performed at the podium for years and by then the equivalencies are more likely to be composed of names like Stefan, Daigle, Bonk or Steen, Wolski, Bernier than the stellar names thrown about on draft night.

If you hit up the youtubes, you can see draft-day footage of a young Alexandre Daigle being compared to Sakic, Lafontaine and Rocket Richard.

Frankly much of the commentary is inane. Tonight a forward was praised for having a tremendous slap shot. It seemed like a great observation until I realized it was said about a centre. Not sure that's the trait most GMs are looking for in a pivot.

Burke and the Legend of Moving Up

What's the old saying, "Live by the sword, die by the sword?" change sword to quip and you've pretty much summed-up Burke's situation.

With the cap flat lining and threatening to crash and so many teams having very little cap room, it was no surprise that deals were hard to come by. It seems that draft picks have likely never been more valuable (as we saw at the trade deadline).

I have no idea how Burke thought he could move up (or more importantly why he'd blather on about such a thing). Just look at what he had to deal with in the top 3:

The Islanders' fan base is shrinking, they're in desperate need of a new facility and their GM was pilloried for his performance at last year's draft. Yeah, that sounds like a recipe for a deal.

Tampa is all sorts of crazy. Burke probably had to wait for an email from GM Brian Lawton explaining the internal communication processes in Tampa before he could approach them with a trade offer.

Colorado has had a GM for all of 3 weeks. If you've been on the job for three weeks would you swing a trade with Burke?

If you extend it further, Atlanta at 4 is in a mess on and off the ice and Phoenix at six is, um, flirting with disaster.

The Kings seemed to be the only option and I bet Lombardi knew it.

And if Burke could set-up a trade with any of these GMs, what exactly do the Leafs have to offer? It's not like the Leafs have loads of picks, great contracts or prospects to send the other way.

Contextualizing Performance

Only one trade involving actual players went down at the draft. Despite all of the rumours and chatter the fleecing of Philadelphia was the only notable transaction.

Had deals been going down all around the room, I'd be furious with Burke's lack of action. But it should be noted that 28 other GMs didn't pull of a trade either.

As for people who wanted Burke to get a sizeable truculent player in the first round, I'd suggest that's not where those players are typically found and likely not the best use of a rare first round pick. Consider: Milan Lucic, who seems to be the current role model for Leaf fans, was a 50th overall pick. Look up your favourite bruiser and see if they were a first round pick or acquired via free agency.

We'll have to see what day two brings, the only certainty is that the commentariat will do their best to fill a few hours of air time with more inanity and many comparisons to former second round draft pick greats like Mike Egener, Daniel Widing and Sergei Soin (who am I kidding, it's going to be all about the upside, all about crazy comparables: this kid reminds me of a young Rick Tocchet with the vision of Adam Oates and the tenacity of Dale Hunter).

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Entry Draft Rankings: The Experts' Take

It goes without saying: this is a big weekend for the Leafs and Brian Burke.

It's not often that the Leafs head into the entry draft with their first round pick and two choices in the second round. In fact, the Leafs have gone into the draft with their first and second round picks just 8 times in the last 20 years.

Adding to the possiblities for a makeover of my beloved Leafs, the no-trade clauses in Tomas Kaberle and Pavel Kubina's contracts disappear for a few weeks starting this Friday, giving Burke a few more chips to play.

I have no idea what the Leafs will do - trade up, trade down, pick at 7 or perhaps all three.

As rumours abound as to who the Leafs are targeting (it might be easier to make a list of prospects the Leafs aren't interested in) I thought I'd post a few links of expected draft orders. If you suddenly need to know where Louis Leblanc is rated, you can check in with the experts below.

Bob McKenzie at TSN has an astounding record of predicting the top 30. His list is here.

Kyle Woodlief of Redline Report can be read here.

Lowetide (love that blog) has his top 30 here.

Hockey Symposium's top 40 are here.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Another Five Questions (Cross-Posted from PPP)


The NHL draft is so close I'm sure those of you heading to Montreal are already counting it in "sleeps."

Here's a little known fact: since the lockout, the entry draft has generated as many, if not more, deals as trade deadline day. In 2008, 26 trades went down on deadline day a stunning 45 went down at the draft.

Another little known fact: Montreal's not really much of a party town. Other than the draft there really isn't all that much fun stuff to see and do (oh, who am I kidding...)

With what seems like half of the PPP members headed to Montreal for the draft festivities, the Leafs on the cusp of another top 10 draft pick and trade rumours going around like a bad cold here are this week’s five questions.

A while ago (could have been a decade ago or it could have been last March – once you have kids time becomes a rather blurry thing) there seemed to be a real run on the issue of "why write?"

Harper's Magazine dedicated an entire issue to the question. Airport bookstores were full of trade paperbacks about how to read, what to read, books of that were little more than lists of books from Bloom's Western Canon to an entire New York Times book section dedicated to an alternate one It was as though the choice of reading material suddenly became of great import and, accordingly, a sub-industry emerged to address it.

As much as I love to read and as much as I love to ask all sorts of (goofy) questions, the issue of how or what to read seems ludicrous to me. I'd like to think we're past the point where people have to (or more importantly have to pretend to) dig Bellow or Blood Meridian or any of the other so-called important books (although if you didn't like James Baldwin's The Price of the Ticket or pretty much anything by Chekhov you're just plain wrong).

One of my favourite pieces of writing that came out of this period was by Paul Auster, one of many authors who weighed in on the all important question of "Why write?"

Just as we approached the wall I caught sight of Willie Mays. There was no question about who it was. It was Willie Mays, already out of uniform and standing there in his street clothes not ten feet away from me.

I managed to keep my legs moving in his direction and then, mustering every once of my courage, I forced some words out of my mouth, "Mr. Mays," I said, "could I please have your autograph?"

He had to have been all of twenty-four years old, but I couldn't bring myself to pronounce his first name. His response to my question was brusque but amicable.

"Sure kid, sure," he said. "You got a pencil?"

He was so full of life, I remember, so full of youthful energy, that he kept bouncing up and down as he spoke.

I didn't have a pencil, so I asked my father if I could borrow his. He didn't have one, either. Nor did my mother. Nor, as it turned out did and of the other grownups.

The great Willie Mays stood there watching in silence. When it became clear that no one in the group had anything to write with, he turned to me and shrugged.

"Sorry, kid," he said. "Ain't got no pencil, can't give no autograph."

And then he walked out of the ballpark into the night. I didn't want to cry, but tears started falling down my cheeks, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Even worse, I cried all the way home in the car. Yes, I was crushed with disappointment, but I was also revolted at myself for not being able to control those tears. I wasn't a baby. I was eight years old, and big kids weren't supposed to cry over things like that. Not only did I not have Willie Mays' autograph, I didn't have anything else, either. Life had put me to the test, and in all respects I had found myself wanting.

After that night, I started carrying a pencil with me wherever I went. It became a habit of mine never to leave the house without making sure I had a pencil in my pocket. It's not that I had any particular plans for that pencil, but I didn't want to be unprepared. I had been caught empty handed once, and I wasn't about to let it happen again.

If nothing else, the years have taught me this: if there's a pencil in your pocket there's a good chance that one day you'll feel tempted to start using it. As I like to tell my children, that's how I became a writer.

Given the ubiquity of computers, PDAs, notebooks, tablets and even cell phones in our lives and the user friendly software and platforms available to all, I’m surprised the once prominent question "why write?" hasn’t been turned on its head.

You’d think some enterprising marketer would look at twitter, the twelve billion blogs out there - even the fan shots and fan posts on this site - and create a whole new marketing segment targeted at answering the question: "Why aren’t you writing?"

Blogging, may be the easiest form of writing. All you need is a parental basement and a neighbour with unprotected wi-fi so you can surf for free. You don’t need pants, access, discretion, standards and apparently there’s zero accountability.

But what happens when Bloggers get access? (Other than putting on pants, of course).

Our own overlord, PPP, has gone from a humble blogspot account to cross-posting at Battle of Ontario, to being the co-proprietor of the sprawling empire known as PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries here at SBNation. With the entry draft on Friday, PPP will take another giant step in the evolution of writing as he goes from being a typical blogger to a fully accredited member of the press at the NHL draft on Friday. Yeah, that’s right - our very own PPP now has full fledged media credentials.

Which brings me to our first question…

1. How will PPP shoulder the weight of accountability that being a member of the press brings? Will a press pass change him (less typos, more insightful reporting? More rumour mongering? Trading insults with Strachan and Milbury? Still pantless but at least wearing a neck tie?) More importantly, who do we want PPP to seek out at the draft and what do we want him to ask?

# # #

Sticking with the theme of writing and writers, I just finished a great Gay Talease essay on the birth of the Paris Review.

Formed in 1952 by a group of men in their mid-20s, the Review was one of the first magazines that encouraged writers to speak with other writers about their craft. It’s an interview format the magazine still features to this day.

The initial editor of the magazine was George Plimpton. When I was a kid, Plimpton struck me as being a very old guy with a bit of a pompous accent and a tendency to wear his sweaters knotted at the neck and draped over his shoulders. He made cameos in the occasional film; got name checked in lots of places and seemed to be held with just a bit too much esteem by a wide variety of folks. It was easy enough for a snotty kid like me to turn my nose up at him.

As I get older, I realize Plimpton did a host of absolutely incredible things. He was a progenitor of participatory journalism, putting himself in harm’s way to see what it felt like to be a quarterback facing an NFL pass rush. He played net in an exhibition game for the Boston Bruins and fought three rounds against former light-heavyweight Champion of the World Archie Moore. He pitched against the National League All-Star team, got to play golf on the PGA tour in the 1960s and took a drubbing on the tennis courts from Pancho Gonazles who was the top ranked men’s tennis player in the 1950s and 60s.

If that weren’t enough, he also hung out with Hemingway, pried the gun out of the hands of Bobby Kennedy’s assassin, drove a tank in WWII and was featured in an episode of the Simpson’s.

2. If participatory blogging ever takes off, what closed profession would you immerse yourself in for a story? Skate with the Leafs? An at bat with the Jays? A lap in an F-1 car? A limo ride with Howard Berger?

# # #

The Boston Red Sox went 86 years without winning the World Series and the media only mentioned the Curse of the Bambino about 12 billion times.

No San Diego team has won a championship and San Diego is the largest metropolis in North America to be 0 for in Championships. None of the Chargers, Padres, Clippers and Rockets have won a World Series, Super Bowl or NBA Championship (although the Chargers won the AFL Championship in 1963).

What’s worse, none of these teams have managed to compile a winning record either. It seems this futility is the result of the ominously named Curse of San Diego.

The Cubs haven’t won a World Series in 111 101 years and haven’t appeared in the World Series finals since 1954. Cubs fans have to deal with a trio of supposed curses – the curse of the black cat, the goat and Steve Bartman.

As far as I know there are no good hockey curses.

There’s the whole Bill Barilko thing, but that’s more of an interesting factoid than it is an actual curse. It’s not like the Barilko widow said the Leafs won’t win until his remains are recovered.

Given some of the Championship droughts out there (Hawks are at nearly years, Leafs are 40+, Sabres, Bruins, Kings, Blues, Hawks, Leafs, Canucks and Capitals are all at 35+ years) you’d think curses would abound.

3. If you could curse a city, franchise or a player – who would you curse and why – and what would you call your curse?

# # #

As we all know, one of the beloved blogs of the Barilkosphere shut down today. The mighty Cox Bloc is no more. They will be going on to a bigger and better blog, but that new home is so far nameless.

I was trying to think of something clever that combined a pop culture reference with hockey or maybe even an inside joke. In riffing on November (back when it mattered) I contemplated the big hit by Guns N Roses, "Cold November Rain" and even went so far as to watch the video.

That video came out almost 20 years ago, but the distance of time did not quite prepare me for the 9:20 seconds of strangeness the video contains. Axl takes a sleeping pill and dreams of various churches, live shows, hanging out with the band and marrying Stephanie Seymour (Slash smokes through the ceremony).

At the reception, people dash from the rain strom as if it were sniper fire, the bride loses her bouquet and one guest dives rhrough the cake (he can't get wet, but icing all over his suit appears to be a solid option).

Next thing you know, we're at Stephanie Seymour's funeral and she's in a casket. Axl looks like the love child of Paul Williams and Diane Keaton.

4. What the heck is up with this video? Are Stephanie Seymour and the other people in the video some form of M. Night Shyamalan character that can be killed by water? Why does Slash have a hat and shirt on in the church, but when he goes outside to do a blistering guitar solo with the helicopter shot, he's shirtless and hatless? Most importantly, what can we learn from this to name the new Cox Bloc home?

# # #

In 1991, the Quebec Nordiques drafted Eric Lindros even though Lindros had publicly stated numerous times that he would never play for the team.

After a year long hold-out, Nordiques GM Pierre Page traded Lindros in June, 1992. There was a little problem with the trade though, it seems Page traded Lindros twice – to the Flyers and to the New York Rangers.

The NHL had to appoint an arbitrator to determine which trade was valid and which team would get Lindros (bizarre-o world side-note, the arbitrator was Larry Bertuzzi, great uncle of NHLer Todd Bertuzzi)

Philly "won" the decision and the Nordiques would go on to become one of the most dominant franchises of the mid to late 90s thanks in part to the players they received from Bobby Clarke (Peter Forsberg, Mike Ricci, Ron Hextall, Chris Simon, Kerry Huffman, Steve Duchesne, two first-round picks and $15 million). The Nords/ Avs won two cups with those pieces and the Flyers made it to a Cup Final.

5. Has there been another draft day deal that rivals the Lindros trade in terms of players, picks, cash and finals appearances? With Leaf fans everywhere hoping Burke can pull a rabbit out of the hat, we will we see another huge draft day deal on Friday or Saturday?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Draft Day Intrigue?

I'm not usually one to get involved in trade rumours or speculation, but a few articles have emerged that are worth a read.

In a nutshell: if John Tavares goes first, it will be draft-day business as usual - Hedman goes #2 and Duchene goes #3. If, however, the Isles pick Hedman, well it seems now you've got a story...

A month or so ago, TSN's Bob McKenzie predicted that very scenario unfolding with Hedman going to the Islanders. (I have a tendency to take shots at the media while safely ensconced in my mum's basement but I want to go on the record here: let it be said that when Bob McKenzie talks, I listen.)

[The New York Islanders] Will take Victor Hedman. But I won't say they will take him at #1. By the time it's all said and done, the Islanders will have Hedman but not necessarily pick him first overall.
In a June 16 interview Chris Botta asked Bob McKenzie to follow up on this thought and McKenzie said:
I can tell you this: if the Islanders do not draft Tavares, there could be high drama on the draft floor. Tampa Bay will listen to every offer it gets in those minutes.
High drama? Cue the Lightning...Damian Cristodero filed a June 15 St. Petersburg Times story that lines up pretty well with McKenzie's take:

There are many variables that will be juggled if the Islanders take Hedman. If they take Tavares, it all probably falls into place.

So, if Tavares goes first overall trade talk will get quieter than an empty church.

But if, as McKenzie and Cristodero suggest, Hedman goes first overall, there's a deal to be made.

I hope Burke can do something reasonable to move the Leafs up to a higher pick (in a previous entry, Botta suggests the cost of the #2 draft pick is a top prospect, a second round pick in 2009 and a top five first round pick in 2010).

The draft can't come soon enough...

Don't Take Dany Heatley if Your Team Has Chemistry

A very clever Dany Heatley spoof from Team 1200 in Ottawa. Worth a listen.

ht to David Staples

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Victorians Unhappy with the Price of Hockey in Toronto

On Saturday night I went searching for an old book of mine and I stumbled across one I didn't even know I owned: "Hockey Night in Canada" by Foster Hewitt. I'm guessing it was either a gift or I pilfered it from my parents during one of their moves.

Bound in orange cloth and published by the Ryerson Press in 1953, the book tracks the first century of hockey in Canada (1855 to 1952) with an emphasis on the Toronto Maple Leafs.

I read the first couple of chapters this weekend and it turns out hockey was actually rather late in coming to Toronto. The roots and rules of the game were established in Kingston, Montreal and Halifax in the 1850s, about 20 years before hockey made any headway in the big smoke.

When hockey did arrive in Toronto it was so popular that it was difficult to get a ticket. At one early game, according to Hewitt, the eastern gallery at the Granite Curling Rink was so packed with hockey fans that the floors sagged.

In a wonderful piece of foreshadowing, the demand for hockey tickets in Toronto was such that the Granite club started charging whatever the market would bear. In 1893 (yeah, that date is right, I know I'm good for my fair share of typos but 1893 is what I'm going for here) high demand, high prices and limited access to hockey games prompted one fan to write the following letter of complaint to the Toronto Mail:

I wish to protest strongly against the action of the Granite Hockey Club in raising their ticket prices to such absurdly high figures for tonight's contest against Osgoode Hall. I call it the height of impertinence for them to ask people to pay seventy-five cents for the privilege of sitting in a cold rink during probably two and a half hours (in only one of which will play be going on). In Montreal and Ottawa, where they have good hockey, the admission fee is only twenty-five cents. A few more such exhibitions of avarice and the game will be depopularized in Toronto.

Talk about the more things change, the more they stay the same...who knew alleged avarice and hockey were entwined in Toronto as far back as the reign of Queen Victoria.

Unfortunately, Hewitt didn't include the name of the letter writer in his book so there's no way of knowing if it was penned by Berger, Simmons or Cox's great grandfather.

50 Miles and Runnin': MLSE's Territorial Rights

The Toronto Star posted the NHL constitution and by-laws today. The NHL Constitution is here. By-laws are here (part 1) and here (part 2).

Not exactly prime reading for a Sunday afternoon but there is some interesting stuff in there, especially as it pertains to moving a team to Hamilton (or Downsview park - quit laughing, you).

According to the NHL Constitution:

Section 4, Territorial Rights defines a team's home territory as "exclusive territorial rights in the city in which it is located and within 50 miles of that city's corporate limits."

Section 4.3 Territorial Rights of Members states "No other member of the league shall be permitted to play games...in the home territory of a member without the latter member's consent. No franchise shall be granted a home territory within the home territory of a member without the written consent of such member."

Now, I'm no lawyer (much to my mother's chagrin, man was she crushed when I decided not to go to law school) but it strikes me that a team in Copps Coliseum would be in violation of section 4 of the NHL constitution.

The City of Toronto corporate boundaries follow highway 427 and Copps Coliseum is a shade over 50kms from the Gardiner and 427. As that's just 31 miles, Copps is well within the Leafs' exclusive territory rights.

Maybe when it comes to another team between Brantford (51 miles) and Coubourg (49 miles) MLSE has the hammer afterall...

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Five Questions (Cross-posted at PPP)

Every 7 to 10 days I post a "Five Questions" entry over at uber Leaf Blog Pension Plan Puppets. Here's the latest entry...

When I was in university I rented a ramshackle five bedroom house from a little old Chinese lady who insisted we call her Yee.

I have no idea if that was her first name or her last name. We made our cheques out to "cash."

Yee always said her name so loudly and cheerfully it should have had an exclamation mark appended to it.

She was a great landlord. Each month when she came to collect the rent cheques she’d bring the five of us gifts. Sometimes a giant bag of fortune cookies, other times some apples or maybe some sticky rice. It was always food and, as impovrished students, it was always welcome.

Occasionally we would awake to find the house full of Chinese girls scrubbing the kitchen and polishing our floors. We weren’t the cleanest fellows I guess, but Yee assured us that we were "nice boys" and better tenants than the previous ones who apparently put a motorcycle through the front window.

All that for $272 a month each (in 1993 dollars).

My housemates from those days are now living in various cities across Canada. For the past 10+ years, each spring we’ve picked a city somewhere in North America and agreed to meet up.

More importantly, each and every year we claim we’re going to have a contest to see how many McDonald’s burgers we can eat in an hour. No fries, no shakes, just a giant pile of burgers and 60 minutes of gluttony.

I have no idea where the idea for this challenge came from, but like all things involving a group of men there’s a huge amount of bragging, trash talking and general idiocy involved.

Unfortunately, each year this all important contest falls apart in the rules process (what can I say - three of my former roomies are lawyers). Someone won’t eat the pickles, and of course if they’re not going to eat the pickles then we all have to get our burgers without the pickles. Oh, and maybe the onions. No onions across the board. And what about cheeseburgers instead of regular burgers?

Bah.

I know we’re never going to answer the age old question of just how many burgers each of us can each consume in 60 minutes. I just hope that on my death bed I’m not left wondering if I could have emerged victorious or if I would have puked near the Playland.

I figure I could eat 12 burgers easy. Who couldn’t eat 12 of those tiny morsels?

I think 15 would be the start of a bad stretch.

At 17 I’d know I was in trouble.

At 18, I’d have consumed twice my recommended daily caloric intake, 144 grams of fat and 378% of my daily sodium requirement.

Each and every burger past the 20 mark would carry some sort of punishing retribution, a mark of Cain (or is it McCain’s?) to be borne until the grease was purged from my system.

All of this burger talk leads to the first of this week’s all important questions: It’s well known that Alexi Ponikarovski is the Leafs’ resident McDonald’s man. Pending UFA Centre and former Leaf almost-great Nik Antropov is all about the Boorger King (that’s Russian for Burger King). Given their love of burgers…


Question 1: Do you think the Leafs should pursue Antropov this off-season? And as an all-important follow-up: how many McDonald’s burgers do you think you could eat in an hour (with full toppings, none of this hold the pickles crap).

* * *

The bad news: former Leaf Gary Leeman won the Stanley Cup with the Montreal Canadiens in 1993. This may not mean much to those of you who weren’t around for Leeman’s stint with the Leafs back in the 1980s, but he was not the most popular guy in town and far from the most popular guy in the room. Let’s just say bad rumours and ill will abound.

The good news: Leeman didn’t play enough regular season or playoff games with the Habs to qualify to have his name inscribed on the ultimate sports trophy.


Question 2: If you could excise one name from the Stanley Cup - one name that would be erased from the history books, internet databases, and disappear from the surface of the cup itself - which name would go? Who would you remove?


* * *

He’s on his third coach in three years. His team has gone out in the first round of the playoffs every year since the lockout. He mismanaged the cap so badly his team couldn’t even dress a full roster, icing just 10 forwards against Minnesota.

He signed the so-called franchise goalie to $6M cap hit through 2013 along with a no-movement clause, only to see said goalie continue to put up ever worsening numbers since his Vezina win in 2006.

This is a guy that dealt for Adrian Aucoin, a d-man with two destroyed groins and a $4M cap hit.

The team is carrying $48M in salaries with at least five roster positions still to be filled.

Question 3: If Darryl Sutter did this while GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs, how many 24 hour specialty channels would be launched? How many dedicated news paper sections would be printed? How many column inches spent? Is there even a unit of measure that could capture the resulting media storm? How is this man still employed?


* * *

I just found out that when Pierre McGuire called Luke Schenn "the Human Eraser" he was copping the nickname from Marvin "The Human Eraser" Webster, a former NBA centre who clocked in at 7' 1" and was known for his shot-blocking abilities.

Other recent disappointments in the nickname game include "Schenner" – the handle appointed to Braydon Schenn (as I posted in the comments at PPP, at least it’s better than "Schenny").

Whatever happened to quality handles like Killer, Charlie Hustle, the Baby Faced Assassin, the Popcorn Kid, the China Wall, or Leo "Snake Hips" Boivin?

Question 4: Which Leaf has the best nickname, which has the worst? Who needs a new nickname and will Jiri "NSFW" Tlusty ever really take off?


* * *

I’m not much of a baseball fan. Once or twice a year I’ll watch a game on TV. I don’t really follow the standings nor do I have a favourite team. I hate the Sky Dome Rogers Centre with its cement sterility and the huge distance between the fans and the field.

I do like the sound of a game on the radio in the evening though. Once my kids are in bed, there's something to be said for sipping a beer or a Black Bush on the rocks while I sit on the back deck - the more silence and game sounds, the better.

Baseball may also have the greatest stories. Bull Durham is one fantastic movie (we jokingly call our boy Nuke and he even has his own Durham Bulls hat), Ball Four is one of my favourite books and Money Ball really should be required reading for sports fans.

One of my favourite sports stories comes from former Kansas City Royal George Brett.

When he was asked about his ideal last at bat, the last time he'd ever step up to the plate, Brett said, "I want to hit a routine grounder to second and run all out to first base, then get thrown out by a half step. I want to leave an example to the young guys that that's how you play the game, all out."

Could you get a better answer? Seriously.

Here’s a guy that may be the greatest all-time third basemen in the history of the sport, an automatic hall of famer who put up huge numbers throughout his career and he wants to go down hustling out a routine play to first.*

Question 5: Ideally, what would your last shift as a professional athlete be?


* * *


*For the record, Brett’s final at bat came against the Texas Rangers. Brett was on a hitless streak and, in a scene right out of Bull Durham, the Rangers’ catcher Ivan Rodriguez told Brett the pitcher, former Jay Tom Henke, would be throwing nothing but fastballs. Four pitches later, Brett singled up the middle. Gary Gaetti later hit a home run and Brett's final act on a major league diamond was to touch home plate.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

The bingo, the lotto (you know I never win those)

Do you remember back in mid-April when Leafs GM Brian Burke announced that the Leafs were trying to trade up in the NHL draft to get John Tavares?

Back when Tavares seemed to be the consensus #1 pick.

And here we are, all of eight weeks later, surrounded by rumblings that Tavares may have slipped to number three. It seems that after at least half-a-decade under the hockey microscope, people are suddenly concerned about Tavares' skating skills. Good thing they're bringing it up now. Would hate for that sort of thing to only come out after June 24.

Coincidentally, as Tavares' stock has allegedly dropped, Burke's sites have also shifted. The new goal for the Leafs is just to crack into the top five.

Why the change in Burke's plans?

Maybe the cost of trading into the top three too prohibitive.

Maybe the talent level really does drop off after the fifth spot.

Or maybe, as Steve Simmons (ack!) suggested, the off-ice issues of several teams in the top 10 are limiting trade talks.

Look at the state of so many of the teams in the top 10, by my count four of the top 10 teams have brand new GMs or serious off-ice issues. One can't help but wonder how challenging it's going to be for Burke to find the right dance partner to swing a deal (or deals) to land a top five draft pick.


Draft OrderTeamGeneral ManagerNotes
1IslandersGarth Snow
2Tampa BayBrian LawtonAllegedly has gained full autonomy for hockey decisions after power struggle with ownership. Allegedly.
3ColoradoGreg ShermanNamed GM on June 2.
4AtlantaDon WaddellOn-going litigation between team co-owners.
5Los Angeles Dean Lombardi "Confident in our ability to move...last year was our first real test in terms of our ability to move up and down, I think this year we're going to be more than ready." link
6Phoenix Don MaloneyNothing going on out here in the desert, it's business as usual for the Coyotes. Everything is just great. /Bettman
7TorontoBrian Burke
8DallasJoe NieuwendykHas held GM position for less than a week.
9EdmontonSteve Tambellini
10OttawaBryan MurrayBusy focusing on candidates to replace Cory Clouston next December.


Clearly, Burke has his work cut out for him as he tries to crack into the top five. As much as I hate trade rumours, if you listen to that interview with Dean Lombardi (FF to about 3:15) the Kings certainly sound like they're ready to make a deal...hopefully it's bigger than the previous deals between Burke and Lombardi: JS Aubin for a 7th and O'Donnell for a conditional pick.

It took a Tattooed Boy from Birkenhead

There was a time (roughly 1979 to 2008ish) when the only thing more porous than the Leafs' defence was the Leafs' front office.

Every move the Leafs made: management changes, upping concession prices, free agent signings, internecine board squabbles, waiver moves, logo changes, likely even mascot issues, appeared in the media at least five days prior to being officially confirmed by MLSE.

Now, sometimes an organization needs to float a trial balloon or two to soften the news before it hits (the McCabe - Van Ryn trade is a case in point). But the Leafs went way beyond trial balloons. For decades this organization was like a fingerless Dutch boy, unable to stop even the smallest leak.

How times have changed.

Joe Nieuwendyk started interviewing with the Dallas Stars three weeks ago. The news didn't break until Dallas announced he'd been hired.

This week the Leafs signed three prospects. Again, the news didn't break until the Leafs put out a press release.

Burke is actively trying to move up in the draft. The only rumours that have emerged to date (Kaberle and Schenn for the #2 pick) were addressed personally by Burke within hours of the news being reported. Fold in his recent appearance on the Watters show and you've got a GM who's shooting down the media as if they were Sonny Corleone in a toll booth.

I'm not a trade rumours kind of guy, so I love this new organizational silence. Others may differ.

In 30+ years of following this club, I can't recall a time when news from Leaf-land broke after the fact or was so controlled (although I likely wasn't paying that close attention to media trends as a six year old when Roger Neilson was behind the bench).

Perhaps it's just a coincidence that when Peddie was removed from hockey operations the leaks stopped.

The draft is less than three weeks away, it will be interesting to see if the controlled flow of information from the Leafs can be maintained. Moreover, it will be fascinating to see how the media adapt their approach to covering the Blue and White.

With so many reporters on the beat and so many Leaf fans clamouring for information, I don't think the cone of silence can be maintained. But I am enjoying it while it lasts...