Thursday, March 01, 2007

An Open Letter to the Town That Fun Forgot

Hey Ottawa,

How are things?

I know it’s been a while since we talked. Seems every time we try to have a conversation it just turns into a shouting match.

Listen, I know you claim we broke your heart four times and I’m willing to take some of the blame for that, but maybe if you hadn’t gotten involved with that Lalime fellow last time around things might have turned out differently.

Sorry, let’s not go down that road right now…

We may still have our differences. Let’s be honest, I still think you’re cold and distant and not a lot of fun. And, yeah, there may be some truth to that whole “centre of the universe” thing that you just can’t seem to let go of, but that’s not why I’m writing to you.

I heard about what you did to Carolina this week and even though you’ll likely deny it, I’d like to think that part of that was about us. So, I just want to say thanks. Even if it wasn't about us, I really appreicate it.

I hear there’s a big dance coming up in April. We haven’t received our invitation yet but I'm still somewhat hopeful. I know we didn’t get to go last year either (you really don’t have to bring it up, please don’t, it’s something that still stings) but the reason we can’t go comes down to some plan or something. It’s really not clear…

If you do go to the dance, I just hope for your sake you haven’t pinned your hopes on another last minute date with someone like Tyler Arnason or Oleg Saprykin, if that’s who you have your eye on I think we both know how this is going to end.

Anyways, maybe once you’ve gotten over another heart break in May we can go golfing together…it’s likely we’ll be hitting the greens come April 1 but even with a three to four week head start I’m sure you’ll beat us again. Seems you can’t get enough of winning when the stakes don't matter.


  1. Anonymous12:09 am

    Pure comedy gold...especially on Saprykin & Arnason. This is not Ottawa's year...and their fans are just starting to figure it out.

    (And on the side, Penguins are gone first round. Bank on it!)

  2. Anonymous10:20 am

    Dear John (FJ),

    You're right, Oleg's a nice guy but he's just like all the rest, completely incompatible with our needs.

    In fact, I don't have any hopes of anything but more heartbreak this spring (why oh WHY didn't uncle John pick out someone who has been to these dances a few times and who knows what to do at the end of the night when there's only a few people left and the fight over the punch bowl gets really unpleasant?) I just don't understand.

    That said, and I admit this with no small amount of guilt, it's almost worth it to see that your ugly ass is going to be stuck at home again this year.

    Catch you on the golf course, dateless wonder.



    PS: I hope Tomas feels better soon.