That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

Top 10 Items I'd like to See Banned from Leafs Coverage

10. Ubiquitous references to 1967/40-x years (and counting).

I don’t see 1975 in the Flyers headlines, 1955 in every article about the Black Hawks or "never" in write-ups of the Blues, Canucks, Sharks, Sens, etc. Seems most people who remotely follow hockey know the Leafs haven’t won the Cup in over 40 years.

This descriptor is about as fresh as the box of baking soda that went into the freezer with Walt Disney and about as insightful as Charles Duell’s most famous quote.

9. Tank v. Try

Pretty much the epitome of false dichotomy. Or is it Morton’s Fork?

8. Reducing the Leafs cup count to 11.

We get it. Yes the Arenas/St. Pats won 2 cups prior to officially becoming the Leafs, but removing those cups belittles the media more than it does the team or the fans. The owner and team name may have changed, but the bulk of the rosters remained with the team the following season.

Does anyone think the Twins can't count their World Series win as the Washington Senators; the Colts can't count Super Bowls won in Baltimore; the 76ers can't count titles won as the Nationals; and poor Sacramento should lose their NBA title from 1951?

Must trophy counts be re-set every time a team is bought, sold, moved or has a name change?

7. Any discussion of Sundin's future.

If and when he signs, there will be entire forests wiped out to generate newsprint for the resulting coverage. Until then, I don't think we need another special filmed at his dock or bad translations from Swedish newspapers...

6. Fan-centric "reporting"

The Ottawa media doesn't work the locals' apathy/insecurity into every story. The bandwagon isn't the lead item in Vancouver. Arson, white flight and a deep-seated love of Beef on Weck don't make the Sabres' game recaps.

So why do the day-to-day concerns, worries and wallets of Leafs Nation get such prominent play in every article from game summaries to in-depth features?

If I wanted to know what Tony from Woodbridge thought about the state of the Leafs specialty teams, I’d listen to a phone-in sports radio show and hear it directly from the source.

It's lazy, doesn't add value and it's not telling me anything new. Lose it.

5. Turning 1 or 2 game results into major trend pieces

It’s like identifying NFL trends based on a single quarter or half of a football game. How about a little perspective and some big picture analysis?

4. Complaining about the Leafs being on HNIC.

There are so many things wrong with these type of stories.

First: the Leafs play in Canada’s largest media market and the number five or six market in North America. There are more people in the golden-horseshoe than can be found in Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Alberta combined.

Second: Ratings don’t lie.

Third: Let’s look at who this really affects: if you’re in the Ottawa valley, you get Sens games. If you're in Quebec, you get Habs games (RDS also carries all 82 Montreal Canadiens matches). If you’re in Alberta or BC, the HNIC early game is on at 4 or 5PM and one of the Flames, Oilers and Canucks will be on during Prime Time.

That means the only people “stuck” with the Leafs live between Winnipeg and Belleville. If they don’t like that ratings, market size and demand are enough to make the Leafs the default HNIC game, they can subscribe to RDS, Center Ice, or explore on-line options (if I can get an NHL game over the web in New Delhi, and the World Juniors in Hyderabad, I'm sure there are ways to avoid the Leafs every Saturday night).

3. Pretty much anything Don "Bochenski for Calder" Cherry has to say.

Someone much smarter than I am called him the Ann Coulter of hockey. Is it a schtick or is he really old-man crazy? Either way, there must be better things to report on that what an old show-man had to say on Saturday night.

2. The "When will Ron Wilson go nuclear on the media?" stories

This media angle is the equivalent of repeatedly poking something with a stick and then filing a sensational report on what happened. It's also a good reminder to never underestimate the media's love of writing about themselves, interviewing fellow journalists or covering existing coverage. This meme is a perfect case in point and a little more than a media-created mess.

Given the inanity of the questions, the size of the media contingent and the lack of quality of much of the end product there is only one right answer here: not soon enough. But let's look at the crux of the story angle here: what does it matter if Wilson snaps? What does it mean if he doesn’t? What value does this potential story bring to our understanding of hockey?


1. Plan the Parade Jokes

My daughter’s favourite joke goes like this:

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Banana

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

I hear this joke about three times a day, seven days a week. It was funny and sort of cute the first time, but now it’s just white noise.

This is what the “plan the parade joke” has become.

But, in the case of the parade joke, it's not coming from an exceptionally adorable five year old who has no idea how tired and played out a joke can become. No, the joke is coming from a cadre of supposedly professionally trained journalists who have been hired and are compensated to provide insight and analysis on Canada’s favourite sport.

It's time for this one to be retired until the Leafs win at least three in a row.

A Man Called Bryan

With 10 potential NHL ready players on the blue line, and prospect Luke Schenn as the only waiver exempt defenceman, it’s clear that the Leafs are going to have to make a few moves to get down to the seven D-men they plan on carrying during the regular season.

I’m hoping the Leafs don’t give Schenn any more than the standard nine game look-see before sending him back down to junior, which would put the Leafs down to nine D.

Given the Leafs recent move towards players with more size and grit, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ian White moved, which would put the team at eight defenders.

That leaves Kubina and/or McCabe on the trading block.

Cliff Fletcher and Ron Wilson have both openly stated that McCabe is not in the team’s plans for the upcoming season. McCabe, despite his no movement clause (NMC), is clearly the more likely of the two D-men to be moved.

Timing

If it’s Kubina that’s going to be shipped out of town, the Leafs have a rather limited window to make it happen. Kubina’s contract permits the Leafs to trade him only between July 1 and August 15. After that, Kubina’s no trade clause kicks in, effectively pulling Kubina out of the trade market.

McCabe is due to receive a $2M bonus in September (his salary for this season is $4.15M+$2M bonus for $6.15 while his cap hit is $5.75M). I would presume that most teams would be far more inclined to deal for McCabe once that bonus has been paid by the fine fellows at MLSE.

Cap Hits, Chemistry and Conferences

If moving McCabe with his NMC wasn’t challenging enough, once you start to look at the cap situation across the league, it quickly reduces the number of possible trading partners for the Leafs.

So who’s a good trade destination for McCabe?

Several teams are either over the cap or so close to it they likely can’t take on McCabe’s $5.75 M cap hit. Cap issues pretty much rule out: Anaheim, Boston, Calgary, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Montreal, New Jersey, New York Rangers, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and Tampa Bay.

Nashville, Phoenix and St. Louis have the extra cap space but are likely too constrained by team budget issues to take on McCabe’s $4.15M salary.

Sure, the Leafs could take back hefty salary in return, but it would have to pretty much be a dollar for dollar trade with any of these clubs, and given the log jam on D that precipitated this deal it would have to be a big-money forward. It’s difficult enough to find a trade partner never mind trying to balance out the salaries going each way, so I don’t think this is going to happen (but I could be way way off on this one).

McCabe’s rather free-wheeling style probably eliminates Minnesota and Florida outright too.

That’s 17 teams out of contention. (Of course, having said that on the record, the Leafs will definitely trade McCabe to one of these teams).

Then there’s the whole issue of location. McCabe has some personal/home life issues that have led many to conclude that he would only accept a trade to a team in the Northeastern United States.

Teams with cap space, but a west coast bias, include Colorado (still need to re-sign Sakic), Columbus, Edmonton, Los Angeles, San Jose and Vancouver.

Colorado already has seven pretty solid NHL d-men under contract.

Columbus just acquired Commodore, Tyutin and Backstrom and, despite signing Huselius, still need help upfront.

The Sharks have plenty of cap room, but having picked up UFA Rob Blake and dealt for Dan Boyle so there’s not much room there.

Similarly, with Visnovsky and Souray under contract in Edmonton there’s little to no chance a deal for McCabe is going to happen with the Oil.

That makes it 21 unlikely to make a deal.

So What’s Left?

Given McCabe’s alleged preference is to play close to home that leaves just six teams in the east as potential trading partners, two of which are division rivals.

East

Atlanta
With just five d-men under contract, the Thrashers still need to sign a few more blue liners. They have lots of cap space and could really use the PP help that McCabe could bring. The challenge will be finding the right return for McCabe as the Thrashers are rather thin upfront and don’t have the greatest prospect pool. It’s also not clear that McCabe would accept a move that far south.

Buffalo
The Sabres have just six d-men under contract for 2008-09 (having traded Campbell at the deadline and losing Kalinin as a UFA to the Rangers). Rumour has it that Sabres GM Darcy Regier has contacted 40 year old former Sabres D-man Teppo Numminen about a possible return (yikes) so there might just be an opening for McCabe (who has a knack for scoring last second game winning goals for the Sabres).

While the Sabres do have lots of young players to possibly complete a deal with the Leafs, they may have budget issues that are too large to take on McCabe’s cap hit. The Sabres have already committed $42M in salaries and they still have to qualify Bernier and Paille.

Furthermore, McCabe’s multi-year deal might also interfere with the Sabres’ ability to sign a slew of key players who are slated to become UFAs and RFAs in 2009-2010.

Carolina
The Canes do have about $9M in existing cap space. Unfortunately, they already have eight D-men under contract including PP guys Corvo and Pitkanen. The Hurricanes and Leafs do have a history as trading partners, but I have a hard time seeing McCabe squeezing into the Canes blueline or under their buget.

Islanders
The fish sticks have just six D-men under contract, but more importantly, the club has only 9F signed. There may be lots of cap space in Nassau County but most of it is going to be directed to finding another handful of forwards.

There is no doubt the Isles could use some help on their moribund PP; however, GM Garth Snow is on the record as saying he wants a pick from the Leafs in return for taking on McCabe’s contract. If that’s the opening bargaining position, I’m not sure where or how you even start to build a counter offer (how about a lower draft pick?)

Ottawa
With Redden signing in the big apple and Commodore heading out west, there is a roster spot or two open on D in the city that fun forgot (or to be more precise, in the suburbs of the city that fun forgot). The Sens do have cap room, but rumours of Boyle to the Sens might preclude a McCabe deal. I don’t see this one happening, but then again Raycroft got an NHL contract so anything is possible…

Washington
The Capitals have about $8M in cap space, but I have no idea if their budget permits them to hit the cap max. They also need to sign four RFAs to new deals and already have 7 D under contract. The Caps do have a number of young forwards and prospects that the Leafs could ask for in return for McCabe and Washington isn’t too far from the McCabe’s Long Island HQ. I wonder if Fletcher and McPhee have much of a history together…

West

Out west there appear to be just two options…

Los Angeles Kings
The team has just four D-men under contract and a whopping $28M in available cap space. Their PP quarterback Rob Blake was just signed by San Jose so there is an opening for a guy like McCabe.

As previously noted, the Kings are likely 4,000 km too far west for McCabe. The Kings are also without a coach at the moment (can you imagine the sh*tstorm in the Toronto media if the Leafs didn’t have a coach during free agency season?) which might make it a tad more difficult to talk McCabe and his agent Pulver into agreeing to a deal here. Still, it is an option.

Vancouver
The team has the cap space and the desperate need for offence that makes them a pretty good potential trade partner for the Leafs. They also need to add at least one more D-man to their roster, so they do have a vacancy on the blueline.

Having lost Markus Naslund and being such an offensively challenged club, I’m not sure they have the depth at forward to swing a deal with the Leafs. Moreover, as noted with the LA Kings, you can’t get much further away from Long Island and Toronto than Vancouver…

Life of Bryan

It’s hard to believe, but McCabe is just one season removed from being one of the top offensive defencemen in the league and two seasons removed from being an Olympian who actually got Norris trophy consideration.

Injury troubles certainly got the best of him last year and it can’t be a picnic being the whipping boy of the Toronto media (has any other athlete been called out as much by the press in this city? Has any paper ever demanded a player be traded on the front page of their paper?) but McCabe has handled all of this pressure with class.

Recent statements from Fletcher and Wilson have left little room for doubt that it’s time for McCabe to move on.

The $5.75 million dollar question is: where?

Sens Obit

As some of you may know, Greg Wyshnyski, formerly Deadspin's Hockey Closer, is now heading things up over at Yahoo's hockey blog. Greg was kind enough to ask me to write an obituary for the Ottawa Senators season and I was only too happy to do so.

The obit is now up and can be read here.

I can't wait to read the one for the Montreal Canadiens (and the sooner, the better).

The big payback

As much as I like Toskala, I always thought JFJ gave up way too much in that trade. The tipping point for me was the inclusion of Mark Bell. His price-to-performance ratio coupled with his off-ice troubles (and a surprise 15 game suspension to start the season) made it seem that JFJ had been taken once again*.

But if you break that deal down into its component parts, Toskala is proving to be worth a 1st and 2nd round pick and I'm pretty sure most Leaf fans would gladly give up a 4th round pick for this:



As for the game itself, it really couldn't have gone better.

Yeah I know, the Leafs might have been destroyed 8-2 giving up three short-handed goals in the process (that's some damn fine special teams work by Coach Maurice) but Leafs Nation needs to think about the big picture: losing improves the odds of a better draft pick; crapping the bed in their final home game confirms the need to completely change the composition of this club; and the softest team in the NHLTM may have sent a few Sens to the IR.

All in all, I'd call that a very successful night.

*The shame of the Toskala, Bell deal isn't the cost of Toskala and Bell, it's the price paid for Raycroft just one year earlier. I guess I can try to console myself by reading about sunk cost fallacies (or more likely, getting some rugelach from Harbord bakery).

Battle of Who Could Care Less

Is the Battle of Ontario currently the worst named rivalry in hockey?

It’s gone from a sea of heat and hatred to a whole pile of meh.

With the Leafs currently residing in the where-are-they-now-file, a Leafs Sens game has all the tension and energy of going to the old age home to play your crazy old aunt at Candy Land. Sure, it's hard to get up for a game like that and every once in a while you stop paying attention, the crazy aunt has a moment of lucidity, maybe some luck with the dice and you end up on the losing end of thing, but even though your aunt may have won a game it's not like she's on pace to crack the remaining unsolved list of Hilbert's problems.

I'm happy the Leafs won (and Ray Emery played nets like a little old lady) but I can't help but wonder how long it will be before these games actually mean something again.

Why the Sens Lost: How they Can Win in 2008

I have studied the game tapes and crunched the numbers.

I have looked at ESG+, ESS-, TOI, shift charts, specialty teams, built databases and read tea leaves and I have come to a startling conclusion.

I know why the Senators lost the Stanley Cup.

As a Leaf fan, it’s a secret I’m not sure that I should share with our supposed rivals from the town that fun forgot.

It could be the key that brings the Cup back to Canada.

But, in the spirit of sportsmanship and in deference to so many of my poor, sad friends who sold out their previous teams to cheer for the Sens, I am prepared to share that secret with you now.

Beards.


That’s right, as anyone can tell you facial follicles separate the men from the boys.

As the Blue Jays have found out, the arrival of Sal Fasano’s fu man chu has the club approaching the .500 mark for the first time this season. Talk of releasing Fasano has seen the team lose two in a row to the lowly Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Imagine if Sal had the power of a full beard.

Still don’t believe me?

Look at last year’s miracle run by the Oilers. You don’t really think that team should have been in the finals do you? But Google any images from last year’s playoffs and you’ll get a sea of beards among the blue, copper and white.

Biggest disappearing act in the playoffs by an impending free agent? Daniel Briere. Why? Because he can’t grow a beard – Briere grows facial hair like he’s the daughter of the bearded lady at the circus.

Calder cup winners? The Bulldogs – here’s the wire photo:


Now, look at this year’s Stanley Cup match-up.

The winners:

And the losers:

It couldn’t be more obvious.

Who had the best beard on the Ducks?

Scott Niedermayer

Who won the Conn Smythe?

Scott Niedermayer.

Who was suspended twice?

Pronger.

Who was clean shaven?

Pronger.

I’m starting to see a trend here.

Hands down, the most consistent Senators in the finals - the guy that coach Murray said he wished he had a dozen of?

Mike Fisher.

Which Sen had the best playoff beard?

Mike Fisher.

Coincidence? I think not.

Even Teemu Selanne’s father (or father in-law) grew a beard:


Consider this: Heatley and Spezza didn’t grow beards for the finals. A search party is still looking for them.

Want to know something really spooky?

J.S. Giguere didn’t let in a single really bad goal. Challenged for the Conn Smythe trophy and gets his name engraved on the Stanley Cup. Everything seemed to go his way.

He had a beard.

The goalie at the other end of the ice? Well, he ran into some pretty bad karma in game six – scoring on his own net to kill any momentum Alfredsson’s short-handed goal might have brought. In fact, many would argue that Emery had his worst run of games in the Stanely Cup final. Why? What was the cause of his poor play?

The man is named Razor.

Think about that for a moment.

The Sens goalie is the anti-beard.

Alfredsson, an early favorite for the Conn Smythe, shows up in the finals clean shaven and it’s like some type of madness hits him. He ends up shooting the puck right at who? That’s right, the Duck with the biggest beard.

As the Sens and their fans spend the summer trying to figure out what went wrong and how they can bounce back next year, it’s pretty clear to me that they don’t need to re-build, they don’t need to change this line-up to threaten for the cup.

This team needs to embrace the beard.

The Sens need to throw away their lady philishaves, get rid of those pink venus razors, home waxing kits and their disposable Gillette Daisy Plus - whatever they’re training staff put out in the clubhouse - and they need to get on the beard bandwagon.

Next year, a few months after the Leafs have failed to qualify for the playoffs (about the same time that MLSE offers JFJ a lifetime contract) each and every Senator should look like they could house a family of rare birds in their facial hair - then, and only then, will they sip from the Cup.

CBC Run by Leaf fans?

Ouch.

Isn't this like saying "shut-out" or talking about a no-hitter in the sixth inning?



All joking aside, I'm not counting the Sens out. Not by a long shot.

If there's one thing I've learned as a life-long Leafs fan it's this: in hockey, the most likely outcome - the one I can almost always count on - is the one that will cause me the most pain.

Based on this (call it the first law of MLSE) I fully expect the Sens to storm back in Kanata.

An Open Letter to the Town That Fun Forgot

Hey Ottawa,

How are things?

I know it’s been a while since we talked. Seems every time we try to have a conversation it just turns into a shouting match.

Listen, I know you claim we broke your heart four times and I’m willing to take some of the blame for that, but maybe if you hadn’t gotten involved with that Lalime fellow last time around things might have turned out differently.

Sorry, let’s not go down that road right now…

We may still have our differences. Let’s be honest, I still think you’re cold and distant and not a lot of fun. And, yeah, there may be some truth to that whole “centre of the universe” thing that you just can’t seem to let go of, but that’s not why I’m writing to you.

I heard about what you did to Carolina this week and even though you’ll likely deny it, I’d like to think that part of that was about us. So, I just want to say thanks. Even if it wasn't about us, I really appreicate it.

I hear there’s a big dance coming up in April. We haven’t received our invitation yet but I'm still somewhat hopeful. I know we didn’t get to go last year either (you really don’t have to bring it up, please don’t, it’s something that still stings) but the reason we can’t go comes down to some plan or something. It’s really not clear…

If you do go to the dance, I just hope for your sake you haven’t pinned your hopes on another last minute date with someone like Tyler Arnason or Oleg Saprykin, if that’s who you have your eye on I think we both know how this is going to end.

Anyways, maybe once you’ve gotten over another heart break in May we can go golfing together…it’s likely we’ll be hitting the greens come April 1 but even with a three to four week head start I’m sure you’ll beat us again. Seems you can’t get enough of winning when the stakes don't matter.

Blackouts

I went down to Kingston to visit family this weekend and was rather surprised to find some shrappy medical drama on the CBC feed instead of the usual Saturday night hockey goodness.

All of the other CBC feeds were featuring the Sabres - Sens match.

Turns out the Leaf game was blacked out.

The good news: given the sloppy D, horrific officiating, over-committing goalies, useless colour commentary from the always-scattered Harry Neale, a lucky powerplay goal to win it all and a mindless bench minor crushing any hope of a comeback - it seemed just like a Leaf game.

The bad news: I didn’t get a single highlight from the Leaf – Philly game.

Not one.

I was getting game-time updates on my PDA (“Leaf Goal, details to follow”), but the Public Broadcaster, who are allegedly so biased towards those of us in the centre of the universe, didn’t send a single Leaf highlight my way.

Don’t Leaf games usually include out of town highlights? I was all set to be bitter about this, but maybe I’m just hallucinating and the HNIC Leaf feed doesn’t show highlights from the other Canadian matches…

This is not a rivalry - it's a crime scene

I've written before about why the Leafs-Sens rivalry should just be left for dead. The fading flames of this alleged conflict are nothing more than media heat and noise.

Yes, Sens fans may love to beat the Leafs, but they'll need to get in line if they think there's anything unique about despising the Leafs, Leaf fans or even the city of Toronto. (I've lived in Ottawa and if you're going to pick a place to hate-on, the frozen city that fun forgot is a darn fine place to start.)

At the rate this "rivalry" is going I'm thinking the Leafs should adopt Washington Generals jerseys as a special look for games against the Sens (although judging by the number of people in pink leafs cowboy hats and assorted paraphernalia at the ACC during the Rangers game, those 4th jerseys would likely sell pretty well).



The Leafs are already down in this year's season series 3-1, haven't been close in their three losses and have been outscored 17 to 9 (that total is as of 2:55 of the third period, it could be 20-9 by the time I get this posted).

Last year, the Leafs went 1-7 against the Sens and were outscored 41-19.

There's a reason the papers and airwaves of full of blather about Kilger's spear, McGratton's antics and the Tucker-Eaves match-up (The Hesitant Yob vs. Sideshow Bob) - it's because the game on the ice is so unbalanced it's the least engaging and least interesting thing between these two clubs.

I'll save my energy for Saturday night and the Habs. At least there's a team the Leafs might be able to compete against in a city that actually matters.

--------
This isn't a knock against Spezza or Corvo (especially not Corvo, I've got him in my pool and am damn happy with his four helpers tonight) but on that sixth Ottawa goal how on earth can anyone be awarded an assist? Spezza blasts a shot into McCabe's shins, the puck bounces at least six feet away and hits Heatley in the chest. Heatley swats at the puck with his arm, it hits the ice and then he buries the shot. Two players get assists for that? Absurd.

--------
Is there a goalie equivalent to the Mendoza line? With tonight's loss Raycroft's stats are looking more Boston-bust than Rookie of the year. I'm no mathematician but giving up 23 goals in the last five games puts his GAA up to about 3.2 and his save percentage down to about .892

Positively Belfour-esque.
--------

Wonder if the Leafs three game losing skid will put an end to the ridiculous notion that JFJ should get an extension to his existing deal. With Kubina on the IR, Raycroft coughing up a five-spot with each start, and the Leafs specialty teams struggling there's not a whole lot of good news for Jr. Nor is there a lot to show for the mountains of cash and long-term commitments he gave out this off-season. Speaking of off-season moves, anyone else think McCabe has misinterpreted his non-movement clause thinking it refers to his on-ice activities.

Rivalries

I'm glad the Leafs won G2 in Ottawa and not for the simple reason that I'm a leaf fan - the reason I'm glad the Leafs won goes a little deeper than that.

You see, I don't think the Leafs and Sens have much of a rivalry - despite what the media files to sell industrial fasteners.

With all this talk of the Leafs Sens "rivalry" and with the Habs coming to town on Saturday night, my brain served up an age old quote from Ken Dryden's seminal book The Game.

Over 28 pages in the middle of the book, Dryden beautifully describes a road trip to Toronto to play the Leafs near the end of the 1979 season.

He concludes:

There is no Leafs-Canadiens rivalry. It's dead: the Leafs killed it.

I remember being shocked as a 12 year old hockey nut when I read it and I’ve never forgotten those two simple sentences.

Not to put words in his mouth (he certainly has enough of his own) Dryden’s take on rivalry is that you need to have legitimate competition between rivals or else it dies.

The rise and fall of the Leafs in the late 70s is well known: management's failure to find adequate support for the promising core of Palmateer, Salming, MacDonald and Sittler; their inability to draft and develop talent coupled with a bad string of short-sighted trades, led to the decline of what could have been a very good team.

This decline in the Leafs came at a time when the Habs were losing about 12 games a season and racking up Cup after Cup. To Dryden’s point: not much competition in that – not much of a rivalry.

It’s not much different from the Leafs and Sens (not to say the Sens are anywhere near the level of that Habs dynasty, despite what Muckler might want us to believe). The Leafs may own the Sens in the post-season, but they’ve had their asses handed to them by the Sens in the regular season for years. Having your club go 1-7 in the regular season makes it hard to get up for a mid-February match against the skaters from the 613.

But never mind the media or my yapping, what about the perspective of Leafs Nation?

Offer a Leaf fan a choice of any games to attend at the ACC and hands down the Habs would be number one. Leafs tickets are hard enough to come by at the best of times, but just try to get a ticket to a Saturday night Habs match-up in this town.

I'd wager the Wings come in at #2 – partly because of the history between these two clubs and partly because they play so few games against each other these days. The third ticket goes to the Flyers. The fourth ticket? I think the average fan is going to chose to see Crosby or Ovechkin. That puts the Sens no higher than 5th on the hit list and they might just be neck and neck with the Sabres.

Think about that for a minute. Our great rival is a fifth or sixth choice ticket? This is what great rivalries are made of? Would a Red Sox fan pick four teams ahead of a chance to see the Yankees? Oilers and Flames fans pass each other by? I don’t think so…

Then there’s the history or rather, the lack of it.

The Habs and Leafs have been going at it for more than 75 years, never mind the whole French Canada/ English Canada divide.

The Leafs and Wings have been throwing elbows and lighting the lamp longer than Kanata's had paved roads.

The Leafs and Flyers had the crazy battles of the 70s and the Flyers have pulled the plug on the Leafs last few post-season plans.

The Sens have been around for what, 14 years? For the first five of those the Leafs were facing off against guys like Sylvain Turgeon, Peter Sidorkiweicz and Randy Cunneyworth. Throw in a year of labour stoppage, a year of role reversal with Jason Alison cast as your choice of Laurie Boschman, Gary Dineen or Dave Archibald and you've got maybe seven years of competitive hockey between these two clubs. Maybe.

Sorry, it's just not enough.

What about geography? Please. Ottawa as a town isn't even on the average Torontonian's radar. The Town-That-Fun-Forgot is further away than both Buffalo and Detroit and is only about 80 clicks closer than Montreal. To give it a bit more perspective Pittsburgh is just a shade further away than Ottawa. Steel-Town is likely a lot more fun too.

So we share the same Premier, big deal.

Reciprocity? Might be nice if both sides got as worked up about this. Ottawa fans may froth at the mouth over Toronto, but it's a one-way gig and it will likely be lessened now that the cap has eliminated the Leafs economic advantage.

Sure, the Leafs may have knocked the Sens out of the post-season 4 times, but Buffalo has now delivered the death blow three times, so it's not like the Leafs are unique in this regard.

One team has dominated the regular season series and the other the post-season match-ups. There’s not much fun in that.

A chance that these two-teams might actually give each other a run for the money? Now, that’s got some potential…

Opening Night

I’m not going to offer up a blow by blow of the game or a recap. It's likely that most of Leafs nation tuned in and saw it for themselves. Let’s face it, small forests have been decimated and towns from Espanola to Kamploops are basking in that lovely smell of eggs-gone-bad in order to provide way too much coverage of what was ostensibly a pretty boring game.

Herewith, some initial thoughts on the game and the mindless chattering folks that covered it:

Has anyone thought about testing the broadcasters' urine? Someone needs to tell these guys that they don't need to yammer on and on like a certain drummer I know.

During one of the interstitials, Glen Healy said Lindros will score 32 goals for Dallas. Last time Big E played 81 games he notched 19 goals. Ok, I’m being a bit disingenuous here. Lindros potted 37 for the 2000-2001 Rangers. That same year, Healy went 4-7-3 for the Leafs (with a scintillating .885 save percentage). I’ll put it this way: Lindros has about the same odds of potting 32 for Dallas as Healy does in winning 4 games this year for an NHL club.

When will TSN recognize their error in signing Domi and will the buy-out have to be spread over 2 years?

Almost every Leaf breakout seemed to go up the left side - are the Leafs stronger up their left side, are the Sens weaker on their right side or is that just the easiest way for a leaf dman to blindly throw the puck around and minimize the odds of a horrible turnover?

Did McCabe hold-out? Did he miss pre-season? He does know that the regular season has started right?

Over under on the fans and media turning on Hal Gill (a la Larry Murphy)? I'd say Game 3 and take the under.

How many times am I going to hear "who's going to score on this team?" before I start clenching my jaw and talking back to the little voices in my head. I get it. We all get it. Is there any one on the planet with a remote interest in hockey that hasn’t heard this trope? Can we somehow form a goon squad to make announcers and analysts put a loonie in a jar every time they offer this up? We could raise the GDP of a small country for a worthwhile cause by the 10 game mark. Let's figure out how to make this happen.

Gerber looked solid, but then again it's the regular season. Other than that third goal, Raycroft was competent too - outstanding on the multiple breakaways.

Cognitive dissonance re-defined: the non-call on Chris Neil’s flying elbow on Jeff O’Neill. As a Leafs fan I wanted to see off-setting penalties. As a Leafs fan it’s a blow I imagine many of us have wanted to deliver.

The Northeast Part 2: Ottawa Senators

Here's part 2 of a look at the Leafs' rivals in the Northeast Division. Part 1 - The Sabres is available here.

Maybe it was the result of a meaningless pre-season game or maybe this pessimism is a ruse to ease the pressure on the perennial cup favourite, but one Sens fan sees darker days ahead...

Preview of the 2006-07 Ottawa Senators

Close, as my dearly departed ma used to say, counts only in horseshoes and hand grenades.

My mom, perhaps thankfully, never met John Muckler.

According to the Muck, the Ottawa Senators, were “close to a dynasty” before the new CBA was signed. In case you missed it, he’s talking about those self-same Ottawa Senators that have been dragging their fans through the Stanley Cup-tease muck in recent years. The same red, black and white whose playoff runs in recent years have been marked with varying levels of heartbreak but a consistent level of success.

Muckler’s not alone though. Sens owner Eugene Melnyk (whose optimism obviously extends beyond his pharmaceutical company’s bank statements) managed to say this summer that the Sens will “not only win the Stanley Cup” but will "hoard that Cup year after year in the playoffs."

Close, but no cigar ‘Gene.

On paper at least, there’s no area where this year’s Sens are better than the 2005-2006 edition.

In goal Ottawa has gone from an admittedly-erratic, locker-room cancer (and first ballot Hall of Famer) in Dominic Hasek to Martin Gerber who, despite having a solid season with Carolina last season, has a grand total of one NHL playoff win.

On the blue line, perennial Norris trophy also-ran Zedeno Chara (and his in-the-bank 15 to 20 goals) and highly under-rated Brian Pothier have been replaced by Tom Preissing and Joe (who?) Corvo. How confident am I in the new D? Well, let’s just say they were both late-season additions to my fantasy hockey team last season and I finished out of the money.

Up front, Ottawa’s lost Marty Havlat to Chicago. His three-year, $18 Million deal proves two things:

1. There was no room for him within the Sen’s cap space and;
2. Garth Snow is the only thing saving Dale Talon from being the worst ex-player currently GMing in the NHL.

All griping aside, I think there are answers to almost all the questions raised in the off-season.

On D, Preissing gives the Red and Black mobility that Chara didn’t and Corvo is a physical presence with the ability to contribute on the power play. Considering that and the fact that B’s GM Rick Chiarelli paid nearly $8 million a season for Chara, you have to tip your hat to John Muckler for his ingenuity.

On the attack, the loss of Havlat means less excitement (Havlat’s rushes at their best were positively Pavel Bure-esque) and 30 or 40 fewer goals, but it also means fewer stupid penalties and meaningless suspensions for kicking opponents. It also means more ice time for people like Patrick Eaves, Antoine Vermette and even future captain Mike Fisher. Add rookie (and potential second line centre) Alexei Kaigorodov who will wear Dmitri Filimonov’s old number 55 and the forwards might be on to something.

And then there’s the net.

With the Sens, it’s always the net.

Has the Stanley Cup had a more mediocre starting goalie’s name engraved on it than Martin Gerber? I mean, besides Chris Osgoode? Not in my lifetime.

Eugene Melnyk and John Muckler can keep rubbing their horseshoes.

Me, I’ve got my eye on the hand grenades.

In the end, the Sens will finish second in the NE Division to Buffalo (just because SOMEONE will realize that you can't drink out of the President's Trophy nor can you win a Cup in November).

My other "lock" playoff teams are Philly, Carolina and the Rangers.

This leaves Montreal, Boston, Tampa, New Jersey and potentially Atlanta fighting for the last three playoff spots.

I like Montreal, Tampa and the Devils to take them.

The Leafs will not make the post-season.

This will make me happy. Almost happy enough to ignore what happens to the Sens in the playoffs this year.

For the latest and greatest music, podcasts, gig listings for Montreal and the occassional Sens news, check out PWI

4 Days Late and a Match-up Short

This email exchange took place last week, but a number of issues on the home and work front kept me from posting it...it's a bit stale now and the Sharks may have sewn up their series before we even discussed it...

Buffalo v. Ottawa

Mike (BLF)

Buffalo has given the world chicken wings and, um, the Goo Goo Dolls? There may be the nightly fires, the deserted core and the rust-belt ambience, but there's also the beautiful Darwin Martin house and the Pearl Street Brewery aint bad either. Their old ball park is where they filmed one of my favourite movies, the Natural. Oh, and they have a Target (which Torontonians long for, like a bad student longing for summer break).

Ottawa, hmm, what can you say about the City that fun forgot? There's the Manx and beautiful weather for 3 months of the year, but it's also the birthplace of Tom Green.

If we weren't talking hockey, I'd suggest the best thing that could happen to either of these cities is that they be paved over and converted to parkland.

But back to hockey. Here are two clubs built on speed, both with goalies who shook off their critics in the first round, with near identical records (Sabres: 52-24-6/ Sens 52-21-9) and a one game differential in the season series (won by Ottawa 5-3). There's not a lot to choose from here.

I think it will go seven and the Sens additional game breakers will be the difference. But I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to see the series go the other way.

Bonus prediction: the Sens will need to utilize their additional depth when Havlat is suspended for:

1. kicking (5-3 odds)
2. biting (8-1 odds)
3. surprise chair-shot on Thomas Vanek during the pre-game skate (50-1 odds)
4. distracting Mick McGeough while Jimmy "mouth of the south" Hart ties an unsuspecting Ryan Miller's skate laces together during OT (100-1 odds)
5. careless use of his stick resulting in some poor sabre getting whittled like a cheap piece of kindling (even)

Keith

Ahhhhh, Mike. Never let a moment pass to take a poke at the Nation's Capital (it may be the land that fun forgot, my friend, but it's no Buffalo).

Hockeywise, I don't think these cities are that evenly matched either. The season series is tight, but the all but one of the games that Buffalo won came later in the year when the Sens didn't have a full lineup.

If you look at earlier in the year when Ottawa had everyone playing there's just one shootout win and some pretty ugly blowouts:
Oct. 8: at Senators 5, Sabres 0
Nov. 2: Senators 10, at Sabres 4
Nov. 12: at Senators 6, Sabres 1
Feb. 4: at Sabres 2, Senators 1 (SO)
Mar. 18: at Senators 4, Sabres 2
Mar. 24: Senators 3, at Sabres 1
Apr. 5: at Sabres 5, Senators 4 (OT)
Apr. 8: Sabres 6, at Senators 2

Of course, we throw all of that out now and have to focus on what's new.

In my opinion, this has the potential to be one of the most exciting, high-scoring, hard hitting and fast-skating series of the second round if not the whole playoffs. That said, I don't think ANYONE can gun with Ottawa (as you said Mike, there's just too much skill). I know my opinion counts less because I'm a fan, but I'm voting for Beaver Tails and Manx brunch over chicken wings and urban blight.

Sens in six.

Dave
Well, I can't say I've had the pleasure (?) of ever visiting Buffalo, and since Ottawa has been my home for nearly the past 17 years, you have to figure I like it here. So I'll skip the burg-bashing in which my friend from the Centre of the Universe indulged (OK, that might have been a slight diss right there) and stick to hockey.

After all that, Mike, I pretty much agree with you. The speedy Sabres proved to me with their domination of the slow-footed Flyers they have what it takes to be a force in these playoffs. Ryan Miller has been solid in goal and with the likes of Briere and Dumont up front, Buffalo can put the puck in the net too.

Still, Ray Emery demonstrated he's no slouch between the pipes either, and Martin Havlat might be the most explosive player in this little Stanley Cup tourney.

I think this will be a very tight, fast-paced, entertaining series that the Senators will ultimately win because they have just a bit more depth and a stronger blueline.

It could take seven, but I'm going with Ottawa.

Carolina vs. New Jersey

Mike
Could the Devils have had an easier time dispatching the rangers in the first round? After watching much of that series, thanks to OLN, I have a feeling the Albany River Rats could have beaten Jagr and his mates in four straight.

Even though the Devils are on a roll (what is it, 15 straight now?) I think their win over the rangers was more indicative of a crappy, injured, Rangers club than it was of an emerging, dominant team from the Meadowlands.

Carolina bounced back nicely against the Habs, winning four straight to bring a close to that series (and proving that my brain was smarter than my gut for a change).

So what's going to happen when these two teams collide? A lot of close 2-1 or 3-2 games.

You could flip on a coin on this one, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say Canes in six.

Bonus Prediction: All but one game in this series will go into overtime.

Keith
I see a re-run of the Eastern conference final of a few years back.

Sure the Rangers blew up, but the 'Canes were doing the same thing until they put Cam Ward in net. Read that sentence again. Does anyone think that Cam Ward is better than Marty Brodeur? (You in the back with your hand up, you're LYING!...Oh, sorry Mrs. Ward.)

The question then becomes: How long can he keep it going? Or, perhaps more importantly, is the team in front of him good enough to stay alive with a rookie backstop.My answers are, "Not long enough" and "No."

Jersey in seven.

Dave
Keith, I couldn't agree with you more.

Carolina rebounded to get past the Habs, thanks in no small part to Saku Koivu's injury and the suddenly white-hot Cam Ward. But no matter how much you argue the Rangers sucked (and boy, did they ever) against the Devils, that 15-game winning streak is no mirage. (It's not like they played the Rangers all 15 times.)

Cam Ward has been a great story, no question. But Marty Brodeur was winning Cups when the 22-year-old Ward was still probably playing with Power Rangers, not against New York Rangers.

Brodeur's experience makes all the difference in this series.

Devils in six.

Colorado – Anaheim

Mike
Out in the west, I wish the series were reversed. Maybe I'm underestimating or undervaluing the Ducks, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but it seems to me San Jose - Edmonton should be the conference finals.

I'm still stunned that Colorado beat Dallas. I watched a fair bit of that series and it seemed the outcome had far more to do with Dallas shooting themselves in the foot (repeatedly) and the bounces going Colorado's way than with Colorado running away with it. Afterall, three of Colorado's four wins came in overtime.

Meanwhile, Anaheim looked very solid against the Flames - even though that series went the full seven.

I think Anaheim may have a bit of rust/bruises on them in game 1 but they'll prevail over the course of the series.

I like the Ducks in 6.

Keith
I would have written this before I game 1 (really!) but now that the duck's mauling of the Avalanche has happened, I feel even more confident about it.

The Ducks are going to dismantle these guys.

Theodore's been average at best and Dallas played terrible, TERRIBLE hockey in the first round. Anaheim has been playing tight, disciplined smart hockey over the last couple of weeks. I made a mistake in underestimating the Ducks in the last round, I won't again.

Anaheim in five.

Dave
It seems my gut feeling about the Ducks in the last series was right on the money after all. They played Calgary's game better in Game 7 than Calgary, frustrating the offensively challenged Flames and generating scoring chances with their own strong forechecking.

Neidermayer and Selanne led the way, but got plenty of help from their friends, in particular that Russian goaltender whose name I can't pronounce.

Even before last night's opener, I figured there was no reason why they couldn't do it again against Colorado. The Avalanche looked great against a listless Dallas team, but Randy Carlyle has his Ducks playing with a take-no-prisoners attitude that was good enough to beat the ultimate playoff-style team and will be more than good enough to beat the Avs.

Sakic, Blake, etc. might have enough heart to cajole a couple of wins out of their team, but Anaheim will prevail.

Ducks in six.

Link